Katya Suvorova, now 33, grew up as the daughter of a mail-order bride, and she wants people to understand the harsh reality behind these marriages. Her mother, Yulia, fled Moscow in 1997 with ties to the mafia, and after divorcing Katya's father, she turned to a mail-order bride catalogue to find a way to the US.
In the 1990s, before the internet, women would go to a brokerage and ask to be placed in a magazine that men could request. 'Women would go to a brokerage and ask to be put in the magazine and then men could request the catalogue. They would flip through, find a woman they liked, and ask the brokerage for that woman's information,' Katya told Metro. At the time, there were roughly 10,000 mail-order marriages each year, with around 4,000 involving US men, according to the Center for Immigration Studies.
Anti-feminist bios and the power of green cards
Katya recalls finding her mother's catalogue when she was 17, with a small description saying 'I'm looking for a family and eternal love'. Many women wrote 'anti-feminist' bios to appeal to men, such as 'I want to serve my husband' or 'I just want to be the best wife I can be'. Katya says these women know what men want and why they aren't looking for brides in their own countries.
Yulia's first American contact, a man named Joe, promised to get her across the US border and secure a marriage visa, but the plan fell apart. Katya explains that men often withhold the green card application to keep women undocumented and scared. 'It's a power move, especially if they're not rich, and they hold it above women's heads,' she says.
Abusive marriages and a long road to documentation
Yulia later married Jerry in Nevada, who Katya claims was abusive to her as a child, locking her in cupboards when she cried. Her mother insisted they stay until they got green cards, but it never happened. After leaving Jerry, Yulia placed another advert and met Chris, who also refused to apply for their documents, and the marriage lasted about two years.
It was only with her last ex-husband, Adam, that Yulia finally received her green card. Katya says, 'I became documented, my mum became documented, through him, he didn't hold that over my mum's head. It was such a big relief, but mostly I felt thankful that my family wouldn't be separated.'
Challenging the stigma
Katya, who no longer speaks to her mother, has written her memoir 'Ungrateful Immigrant Daughter' available September 29. She wants to challenge the perception that mail-order brides are taking advantage of American men. 'People always see it as the international bride taking advantage of this poor, generous American – but I've never seen a situation where it's not a power dynamic,' she says.
She adds, 'When women finally have the choice to marry who they want to marry and they want to better their position or status, they're demonised for it. So what if a green card or visa is part of the attraction.' Despite the trauma, Katya is now married to her partner of 14 years, and says, 'Because my mum made the decision to come here through a catalogue, I can marry for love. She gave me that privilege.'
