In her latest advice column, Daily Star agony aunt Jane O'Gorman addresses two pressing reader dilemmas: one involving a partner's past infidelity and a possible secret child, and another concerning a persistent non-paying lodger.
Six-Year-Old Betrayal Haunts Reader
A reader writes that six years ago, her partner cheated on her with a female colleague. The affair included sexual encounters in the office after hours, which escalated to the point where they broke the managing director's desk. Their actions were caught on CCTV, leading to both being forced to resign for gross misconduct.
Now, the former colleague has tracked down the reader's partner and hinted that her young son is his child. The reader feels humiliated, especially since her partner has always refused to have children with her. When she attempted to question him, he told her to mind her own business. She fears he will start seeing his secret family behind her back and feels powerless.
Jane's Advice: Seek the Truth
Jane advises the reader to ask her partner for the absolute truth about his lover and her child. If he is the father, he should contribute financially and be an involved parent. However, she also needs to find out if he intends to resume a sexual relationship with the woman.
If the relationship is over, they need to find a civilized way forward. If he wants to start again with the reader, he has a lot of making up to do. Jane reminds the reader that she is not trapped and can reclaim her life rather than being a disrespected doormat.
Unwanted Lodger Refuses to Leave
Another reader shares that a year ago, a friend asked to rent a box room. A couple of weeks later, the friend's new lover moved in with her. The friend has since moved away, but the man remains. He is nice but pays no rent. The reader's partner wants him out, but they don't know how to approach him as he has nowhere else to go.
Jane's Advice: Set a Firm Deadline
Jane says the lodger is taking advantage and will continue until the reader gets tough. She suggests arranging a meeting with the lodger and the reader's husband, giving him a reasonable but fixed moving-out date, and insisting he make other plans. If he still refuses, the reader may need to consult a solicitor or the police. Jane notes that the spare room could be earning a decent income.
