After four years as a stepfather, a man has revealed he still does not know how to tell his stepchildren he loves them. Ben Smoke, a freelance journalist and campaigner, wrote in Metro about his experience as a gay stepdad to a 12-year-old stepson and 10-year-old stepdaughter.
Fear and caution
Smoke says he loves the children deeply but has been cautious about expressing it, partly due to homophobic innuendo about gay men being a threat to children. He met their father, Sam, at a protest in June 2022, and they began dating later that year.
He moved in with Sam after a couple of months, and the children stayed with them every weekend. Smoke admitted it was a culture shock, but he soon grew to love their quirks, keeping lists of funny things they said and did.
A meaningful text
When he and Sam got engaged, they ordered rings from Argos and told the children, who reacted with happiness. They later moved out of London to be closer to the children's school.
A few weeks ago, the night before his stepson's first day at secondary school, Smoke texted him 'LY pal' from a bar in Dalston. The boy replied with a red heart, which Smoke described as a pre-teen's epic declaration of feelings.
Love and honor
Smoke reflected that loving children has taught him about a different kind of love, less transactional and more about ensuring their safety and happiness. He concluded, 'what an honour it is to love them and to be their step parent.'
