Ramona*, a 53-year-old single mother who works in PR, has revealed she has been having a sexual arrangement for the past four years with a Turkish man who runs the corner shop opposite her house—and she still doesn't know his real name.
After leaving a husband who didn't want children, a gay friend agreed to be her sperm donor, and she became a mother alone. Now her daughter is the centre of her world, but babysitters cost a fortune and evenings are precious. So, for the last four years, she has had a sexual arrangement with the handsome Turkish shopkeeper. 'I still don't know his real name. Somehow, that seems to be part of the appeal,' she told Metro.
A Week in the Life
On Monday, Ramona checks her calendar and finds work, school, playdates, and children's activities—with nothing resembling a date. Dating apps offer little excitement. She recalls that the shopkeeper, who is younger and charming, asked for her number a year after they met. They had one date where conversation was difficult, but they had sex anyway. 'It was plain, vanilla missionary position and definitely not the best sex I've ever had. To be honest it felt a bit like sloppy seconds.'
On Tuesday, after working until 3.30pm and collecting her daughter, she spends an hour on Tinder while her daughter plays in the park. She notes that Badoo—the name he told her to call him—comes over after his shop closes at 11pm. He arrives with Prosecco, and they have sex in the living room, furthest from her daughter's bedroom. He has never spent the night, and she is happy about that.
The Arrangement
On Wednesday, Ramona says she has been sleeping with Badoo every couple of weeks. She doesn't know where he lives, and he says he is separated. 'I won't sleep with a married man, so I choose take him at his word.' She has no feelings for him: 'The sex just feels very transactional, and I feel better for having had some intimacy. I don't think he has feelings for me either, and since I control every interaction it makes me feel empowered.'
On Thursday, she realizes she has no date for the weekend but isn't financially in a position to date anyway. She texts Badoo, who replies almost instantly. She is aware the arrangement would horrify some people: 'A man whose real name I don't know, arriving after midnight for sex? But I'm over fifty, single, busy and tired.'
Friday Night Visit
On Friday, Ramona books her daughter into after-school club so she can prepare. After school, they go for Nando's with other mums and children. By 10pm her daughter is asleep. At 11-something, Badoo arrives with Prosecco. The sex is quick and uncomplicated. He goes down on her but then expects reciprocation, which she does, though it feels too intimate. She prefers just having missionary protected sex with no foreplay or kissing: 'It's too personal.' Afterwards, he dresses, mentions an early delivery, and leaves. She has no regrets.
Boundaries and Reflections
On Saturday, Ramona and her daughter go to the park, where the ice-cream van costs £3.50. She curses her daughter's father, whose £150 monthly support barely makes a dent. She hoped he would step up to provide more but says she doesn't have much grounds to get more from him. Later, they stop at Badoo's shop, and he gives her daughter chocolate. He asks to come over again that night, but she declines: 'My sexual needs since entering menopause are more than fulfilled by one night a week. Even casual sex needs boundaries—especially when you're a mother.'
On Sunday, after her daughter's classes, Ramona attends a 5pm Church of England service, hoping it might help her daughter get into a good church school. She sometimes feels sad that her daughter doesn't have a kind, generous father figure and wishes she had someone too. 'I'd love romance, freedom and a proper sex life. But I know these years will vanish. Soon she'll be an independent teenager. For now, I'm choosing the messy, exhausting life I actually have.'
