The fifth episode of The Celebrity Traitors marks the halfway stage of the BBC series, and it seems like a timely moment to appraise the remaining players. Here is how they're all doing so far...
Ross Kemp and Romesh Ranganathan
There is a theory that the Celebrity Traitors we’ve seen the most of in terms of airtime are the most likely to exit soon. This is because producers want to max out on them while they’ve still got the chance - and those who stay in for longer will have plenty more chances to shine later. On this basis it was reckoned that Ross would be the one to get the incoming face-to-face murder from the Traitors on Thursday, because he’d been more prominent than Romesh Ranganathan or Rob Beckett. But has he actually? I’m not sure how scientific this reasoning is… What I do know is the programme-makers will want to follow the best stories, regardless of who is involved in them. So figure that out if you can. Ross has brought us a lot of laughs, not always intentionally.
Last seen stumbling off into the night muttering about not being sure they’d given the key to the right person, Romesh is fearing the worst. The rules of this murder seemed a bit complicated but it looks like the Traitors have to choose who they want to murder - but have a 25% chance of failure because one player, Leigh-Anne Pinnock, has a key which protects her from murder. Romesh is a strong player - he saw in an instant how the vote for Julie Hesmondhalgh being the “most trustworthy” player had been flipped and used against her in just a couple of days. Don’t kill Romesh!
Rob Beckett and Hannah Fry
Then again, don’t kill Rob either. He deserves to live just for those extra teeth! The pair of them sitting around having bantz with Jerry Hall is just priceless. And his reasoning that he and Romesh are being left alone because they haven’t put forward any credible theories is both funny and probably true. He’s the closest to Alan Carr that this series can offer, in that he’s not seen as a threat - the big different being that he’s not actually a Traitor. So, it turns out I don’t want any of these three to go, just as I didn’t want Hannah or Jerry to go last time. Maybe the producers have another twist up their sleeve?
Managing to defend herself enough to survive the last round table, where Julie was banished, was nothing short of astonishing. But Hannah was always going to have heat because, as someone who loves to discuss strategies and spreadsheets, she’s an obvious target for the Traitors. Now that she’s become one herself, it looks incredibly odd to the Faithful that she hasn’t been selected for murder, because her cleverness is clearly a massive threat to them. So she’s avoided murder by becoming a Traitor but she’s ripe for banishment… my prediction is that Hannah is not long for this game.
Jerry Hall and James Acaster
Despite both living to tell the tale despite being the only two murder options, Hannah has taken far more heat than Jerry, who is almost certainly being let off for being a bit woo woo. I mean, she literally refused to believe that Richard was a Traitor because she’d lived near him for 30 years. But every now and then her instincts are sharp - and she seems pretty focused right now on poor, reluctant baddie James Acaster. Having mentioned his name several times, will she bring it up at the round table and make it official? Jerry, this could potentially be an even bigger triumph than that leg-wrestling competition from back in the day…
Well, Jerry’s coming for him because she didn’t like the way he flung out Michael Sheen’s name. But funnyman James should be able to defend this pretty well, and others may not follow her because, well, she didn’t think Richard E Grant was a Traitor, which is quite a big gaffe. James needs to stop being so jumpy and telling us he wants to play as a Faithful every five seconds, and get used to being a Traitor. Maya is enjoying it and so could he if he let himself. Just repeat the mantra ‘it’s only a game, it’s only a game….’ And if that doesn’t work, remind yourself that you are everyone’s new crush!
Maya Jama and James Blunt
Started out looking like she was a bit style over substance but boy, she’s warmed up. Some of her decisions have been questionable but she’s playing a good game. Heat-wise she doesn’t really have much and she’s been quite clever at pointing the finger subtlety at people - her Julie tactic worked a treat. Amol, who she selected for murder at the first opportunity has since said: “I love her and hate her,” for being an excellent Traitor. But will the pressure of being the only one actually enjoying it get to her, after she informed the other two: “I can’t be the only one out here killing people - I need you two to step in to that mentality.” Make them listen Maya!
Poor old Blunty is consistently taking one step forward and two steps back with his wild Traitor predictions. Yes, he was the first to point his finger at Professor Hannah - but that was when she was still very much a Faithful. So totally wrong, just like Myha’la and Julie. At least he is aware of this, feeling a terrible weight of guilt over Julie’s banishment and saying afterwards: “I’m just so useless at this game. I’ve been wrong every step of the way. I just feel so stupid.” It’s a toss up whether he’ll get murdered or banished - could go either way. Then again he might get kept in because of how useful his army officer training is proving in the missions. (And erotic, according to Miranda).
Joanne McNally and Joe Lycett
Her tactic of playing stupid to stop people from suspecting her is extremely convincing. But is it going to help her in the game? She was one of the very few who refused to believe that Richard E Grant was a Traitor, making the rash claim that she’d “eat my own bonnet” if he turned out to have a green cloak. Looking forward to that Joanne. She also decided to target Leigh-Anne for putting on late night lip-gloss, which only Jerry joined in with. And Faithful Joanne is close pals with Maya, but has no suspicions whatsoever that the Love Island host is batting for the other side. Wake up!
Joe’s name gets mentioned quite a bit but not much seems to stick. The Faithful will now have lost confidence after voting out loyal sleuth Julie, so perhaps he can work that in his favour as he tries to convince them that he’s on their side. As a comedian, he has a good natural shield against being voted for banishment because - statistically - they are the least likely to be picked on apparently. Sebastian has long been suspecting him though and Bella did too, so it might not be long before there’s a proper attempt to expose Joe. Which probably won’t go well. And it’s completely wrong.
Miranda Hart and King Kenny
Miranda is likely to be a key player in the next round table because she’s still convinced that Hannah is a Traitor, and must surely write her name on the slate this time? Which was going to happen last week, right up until the moment she didn’t do it, claiming that she knew she didn’t have enough backing from the others. Overall Miranda’s Miss Marple-style detective work is going pretty well, she’s not right all of the time but she is for some of the time, and that’s better than most. I’d like to see Miranda get to the final, she is funny but has toned it down enough so we can appreciate her more. No galloping!
The boxer turned YouTuber is another one who’s managing to fly under the radar for now - no one seems to be suggesting him for either murder or banishment. This could mean he goes far in the game? He said he was coming in to avenge the early banishment of his Beta Squad pal Niko Omilana in the first series and he’s doing a good job of playing a calm, steady game. That said, he may yet find out that staying too quiet, and offering up no theories, is a bit annoying to everyone else.
Leigh-Anne Pinnock and Michael Sheen
The Little Mixer gave us one of the biggest laughs of the series when she rubbed Ross’s arm because she felt a bit chilly and left him convinced that he’d been murdered in plain sight (for the second time in one day). The accusations over putting on make-up late at night didn’t fluster her and now the boys have given her the key to the crypt, meaning she can’t be murdered and is hoping they come for her just so she can tell them where to stick it. Basically, it’s all going pretty well for Leigh-Anne right now.
He’s playing a clever game, offering up a few opinions but never too loudly or too emphatically to put himself into the firing line. James threw his name into the ring once but it remained a solo offensive, with no impact whatsoever. So the smart money is on the Welsh actor enjoying a good long run. But then again, it can all turn on a sixpence. The bookies have Michael as the favourite to take home the charity money, flanked by whichever Faithful are still standing. His close pal David Tennant has said viewers should always “assume he is lying”, adding that he is a very talented actor. Should go far.
Sebastian Croft and Sharon Rooney
Bash, as the Heartbreaker actor is known, has been openly critical of Hannah so very much has a murder target on his back (although not in the next episode, because of the deadly game of hide and seek currently in play). When it comes to the missions, he is unlikely to top that moment when he pushed Ross Kemp aside to dive into a disgusting toilet. Even as Ross said: “Guys, it's a little bit of poo - it’s not gonna kill you,” Bash was already climbing in. That’s got to earn him some, ahem, brownie points. Surely?
Amol Rajan is predicting Sharon or Leigh-Anne are likely contenders to make the final because of their “quiet” tactics, and he could just be right. Although, let's be honest, that's not what won it for Alan Carr last time around. Anyway, Amol found out the hard way that being a “loud, big character” is a problem in the castle - and seems to be suggesting that it’s the understated ones who might do well in the end. Actress Sharon came into this saying she felt like a competition winner and has kept that going ever since so, I feel there is more to come from her. Or she’ll get bumped off very soon just to confuse everyone. One or the other.
The Celebrity Traitors returns on Thursday at 8pm on BBC1.
