A 49-year-old woman has expressed deep regret over not having children, describing feelings of shame and guilt in a letter to advice columnist Mariella Frostrup. The woman, who works hard and owns a home, says she 'ached for a child' when younger but now feels it is too late to conceive. She has a younger partner who claims not to care about her childlessness, but she fears he will later feel regretful.
The woman reveals she has had two abortions and two miscarriages in previous relationships, and says she never fully recovered emotionally. She describes pretending to others that she made positive choices, but admits feeling 'ashamed, guilty and cowardly'. She also fears the menopause and wants to move on from her regrets, but says the feelings are getting worse.
In her response, Frostrup advises the woman to visit her GP, particularly one with menopause experience, to address hormonal and mental health issues. She urges the woman to stop dwelling on the past and instead focus on her achievements, including a good job, a home, and a loving partner. Frostrup suggests writing a list of things she can now do without children, such as relocation or re-education.
Frostrup also highlights the option of adoption, noting that around 6,000 children in the UK are in need of secure homes each year. She says the woman appears to meet the criteria for adoption and could offer a 'ready-made family' by adopting school-age siblings. She concludes by encouraging the woman to count her blessings and look forward to the future.
