A woman in her 50s has revealed how she 'forgot' to have children, only realising when it was too late. Nadiya Bekar, from London, said living a fast-paced city life, partying, and a 'bad string of exes' distracted her from becoming a mother. Before she knew it, she was '50 and lonely', having had 'no time to think about children'.
Similarly, 55-year-old TV presenter Anna Richardson told author Marisa Peer's podcast, Your Mind, Your Rules, that the demands of building her successful TV career over three decades meant she 'forgot' to have children. The Naked Attraction host admitted she felt as though she had been on a 'hamster wheel' throughout her career, starting with her big break in the mid-90s as a producer on The Big Breakfast.
'The human cost of trying to do it all is just overwhelming,' Anna said. 'Looking back, I recognise that I was so busy on this hamster wheel of trying to make everything happen, trying to be successful and trying to succeed in broadcasting, that I forgot to have children and build my family. I'm feeling that now at 55. I look back and think, "Oh, I kind of missed that boat, and now what do I do?"'
For aesthetic practitioner Nadiya, she largely kept her feelings to herself out of embarrassment until she shared a video on Instagram and TikTok, admitting 'I forgot to have kids and it gets lonely sometimes'. She was quickly inundated by supportive women who confessed they too had 'forgotten' to have children.
'In my 20s and 30s I was working hard, partying hard - we were all like that,' said Nadiya. 'I was meeting interesting like-minded people, there was no time to think about kids. I also have had a bad string of exes. Part of the reason I never had kids was there was no man I would trust to have my kids.'
However, Nadiya insisted that if she 'gave it more thought' she would have tried to find someone to have children with. She said: 'I think because I never picked the right men, they weren't family orientated. But I never really cared too much because I was wanting them for a different lifestyle.'
Instead, Nadiya focused on her career. She explained: 'I spent my life working hard to make my business, so I could pay off my mortgage in central London. I was just meeting the most incredible people.' She also admitted that she didn't necessarily 'ever feel maternal', explaining: 'Since I have been nine years old I had always wondered why women would want a child.'
Nadiya insisted it's usual for women of her generation to feel lonely, saying: 'I have had so many comments back from women who have also worked and not bought into the family life and they feel heard - I feel heard! I was nervous to post it but honestly, we are part of the "girl boss" and "girl power" era that gets women to want to work hard. We weren't ever taking the time to think about kids.'
The employment rate among women aged 25-54 is up from 57 per cent in 1975 to a record high of 78 per cent in 2017, seeing less women married and more employed, according to The Institute of Fiscal Studies. Despite her strong feeling that her work ethic caused her to be left without a husband and children, Nadiya doesn't regret a thing.
'It is just Christmas and Easter I feel like this,' she said. 'Some lady said to me that if it is only two days a year that you crave kids, and not the whole year, it's probably best I don't have them. That made me feel better. Plus, I wouldn't turn back the clock if I could, I am happy with what I have achieved.'
Nadiya said that raising a child as a single mother is out of the question for her. 'I just don't feel like I have a family unit, so by adopting or something like that, but you can't expect a child to fill the gap, that's not fair,' she said. 'People think it's because I don't like children, but I love them. I just don't have any maternal bones in my body. Well, apart from my dog. I feel like a mother to Chilli.'
On Sunday's episode of Your Mind, Your Rules, Marisa Peer said: 'There are many, many ways to have a child in your life and be in their life. I believe we can have it all but it requires balance and planning and a certainty that you are worth it and can work to obtain it.'
'Exactly,' TV host Anna said in reply. 'And we've got to remember lots of people choose not to have children. Lots of people aren't able to have children. Again, think of people within the LGBTQ community who may not wish to have children. There are different ways of building your family.'
