In a deeply emotional moment on BBC's Race Across The World, contestant Puja broke down in tears as she opened up about the heartbreaking loss of her father during the Covid-19 pandemic, admitting to feelings of profound guilt over his death.
A Birthday Marked by Absence
The 32-year-old doctor from London, who is racing across more than 12,000 kilometres from Sicily to northern Mongolia with her cousin Roshni, celebrated her birthday at a turtle sanctuary in Turkey during the latest episode. However, the occasion was overshadowed by grief as she reflected on missing her family.
"This has been a great way to spend my birthday," Puja said, "the only thing that would be really nice is just to be able to see my mum, sister and husband. It's just hard not to speak to them."
She added, "This is a pretty nice birthday to spend abroad, but I think I've spent the last birthdays without dad. So in the quiet moments like today, where I would be surrounded by my family, I miss them."
The Weight of Loss
Puja described how her father's absence has altered family celebrations, saying, "When we lost dad, all of our birthdays have just been slightly different. Like, having a card from dad, just dad being present, just seeing that familiar face, and I just don't have it anymore."
She continued, "Sometimes it's just hard, you just want to hear his voice or know what his opinion is or ask for his advice."
Guilt and Grief from the Front Lines
In a candid aside to the camera, Puja revealed the source of her guilt, tracing it back to her work as an emergency medicine doctor during the pandemic. She explained that after finishing medical school, she was thriving in her role until Covid-19 changed everything.
"In December 2021, we were just drowning in sick patients with Covid," she recalled. "Unfortunately, I got Covid, I was self-isolating in my room upstairs, making sure I didn't touch anything, but then dad got unwell."
Puja described the anguish of having a relative hospitalised with the virus, stating, "Having your relative in hospital with Covid is essentially, it feels like someone basically has your heart in their hand, and is just tearing it to pieces. It's heartbreaking when it hits you. He's not going to come back."
A Burden of Responsibility
She confessed to Roshni, "It's just a big reminder that through all of the big moments of your life, dad's not going to be there." Puja then heartbreakingly admitted, "I felt a lot of guilt, because in my mind, I brought Covid home, I put him in this situation and it was my fault. I still struggle with that."
Viewer Support and Sacrifice Acknowledged
Following her tearful admission, viewers flooded social media with messages of support. One person wrote, "Omg I'm in absolute bits," while another noted, "Oh you can just hear the guilt in her voice. Heartbroken for her. Highlights her sacrifice - just like all front line staff during the pandemic."
Motivation Behind the Race
Ahead of the series airing, Puja explained her reasons for joining Race Across The World. She said, "I've been a massive fan of the show for years, since the first season came out."
She added, "During the time I applied, I had hit a career block, and I decided that if I was hitting a career block, I would do something that I wanted to do for a very long time and so decided to apply for the race. That was the predominant reason why I just wanted to do something that was for myself, for my personal life, and something that will give me memories to last the rest of my life."
Race Across The World continues to air on Thursdays at 8pm on BBC One and iPlayer, featuring Puja and Roshni among five teams competing for a £20,000 prize on this epic journey.
