Veteran actor Richard E Grant has spoken candidly about a profound personal betrayal that left him feeling utterly devastated, prompting him to sever a friendship that had lasted nearly three decades. The 68-year-old star of Saltburn and Withnail And I revealed the painful incident during an appearance on Paloma Faith's podcast, Mad Sad Bad, describing how he accidentally discovered the true nature of a former university friend.
The Shocking Discovery
Grant explained that the friendship unravelled when he was inadvertently copied into an email that his former best friend had sent to a mutual acquaintance. The message contained what he described as a paragraph of such toxicity that it amounted to an annihilation of a deeply personal script he had written. The script was entirely autobiographical, making the criticism feel particularly cruel and personal.
I thought [she] was one of the five best friends of my life, admitted the actor, reflecting on the three-decade bond. I was absolutely devastated, so I copied and pasted that and sent it back and said: 'Twenty-nine years of friendship?'
A Daughter's Perspective
Grant sought counsel from his daughter, Olivia, who lives with him along with her husband. She posed a pointed question that cut to the heart of the matter. In your heart of hearts, haven't you always known this about this person? she asked him. Observing his hesitation, she added, You've taken too long to answer, I think you've always known. This conversation solidified his decision, and he has not seen that person since the email incident.
Life After Loss
The revelation about the fractured friendship comes amid Grant's ongoing public reflections on grief and life following the death of his wife, dialect coach Joan Washington, in September 2021. She passed away at age 74, eight months after a diagnosis of stage four lung cancer.
Speaking to The Sunday Times Culture Magazine last year, Grant admitted he hasn't really thought about finding a new romantic partner. He humorously noted the idea of being nearly 68 and taking my kit off was so mortifying it would require a Krakatoan cave without a crack of light. However, he remains hopeful-minded and open-hearted, though not actively looking.
Joan's Lasting Influence
Grant has shared numerous touching anecdotes about his late wife's character. He recalled how, a month before her death, Joan humorously went through a list of eligible women they knew, like a lioness, giving him reasons why he shouldn't pursue any of them. I knew how much she loved me by doing that, he said.
Another story involved his meeting with his idol, Barbra Streisand. Upon his return, Joan, then 79, quipped, If she wasn't married to James Brolin, would you still jump her bones? Grant's affectionate response confirmed her lasting hold on his heart. Well, I've got you, you're never getting away, she told him.
Coping with Grief
Despite the loss, Grant does not describe himself as lonely, thanks to his close family unit. He has developed a unique ritual to maintain a connection with Joan. Each night, he writes her an email. I have no woolly spiritual delusion that she's hearing this, or that I'm going to get a response, but it somehow keeps the connection going, he explained. So I write to her – 'Dear J, today would really have amused you...' It makes it feel like that person is still there – it's an ongoing conversation.
While he holds no expectation of falling in love again, he remains open to the possibility. I feel fulfilled and sustained without feeling like I've lost my better half, which I have, he stated, acknowledging the irreplaceable nature of his marriage while navigating his new reality with resilience and poignant honesty.
