A 31-year-old woman is struggling with her bisexual boyfriend's wish to sleep with other men while maintaining their relationship. The couple, who have had an on-off relationship for three years, recently committed to monogamy, but he now says he needs to explore his sexuality to overcome shame. She agrees with his need but cannot face staying together while he does so.
Agony aunt Mariella Frostrup advises that while alternative relationship models work for some, a partner's desire for polyamory is often a warning sign. She notes that the reader is setting the bar too high in terms of tolerance, while her partner is prioritising his own desires.
Frostrup suggests that accepting bisexuality and creating space for exploration is one thing, but waiting at home while he satisfies his sexual desires elsewhere is another. She describes his behaviour as hedging bets, similar to the reader's past infidelity with a previous partner.
She concludes that if he is not ready to commit, he has no right to expect her to wait. With the balance of power off-kilter, she advises the reader to end the relationship for her own emotional wellbeing.
