Amanda Holden broke down in tears during an emotional conversation with close friend Alan Carr, opening up about the devastating loss of her son Theo, who was stillborn in 2011. The Britain's Got Talent judge, 54, appeared on their BBC show Amanda and Alan's Greek Job and shared her personal coping mechanism.
Holden insisted she will always refer to herself as a mother of three, including Theo. She said: 'I always say I am a mother of three. Because I am. When we lost Theo, there wasn’t one moment where I thought ‘why has this happened to me?’ But there also wasn’t a moment where I blamed God or anything.'
She explained her belief that Theo 'chose me, just for those few months, to see what it was like to live, and develop, and be in the universe. Then the universe took him back.' She added: 'I felt like he went back into the universe and he is still out there and is part of our family.'
Alan comforted her, saying: 'You’ve got to process it in some way. You’ve got to make some kind of sense of it haven’t you.' Holden replied: 'It was the only way I could make sense of it. I was like gosh I was so lucky to have him for all that time. And even though he was born sleeping he was perfect.'
Fans and celebrities, including Myleene Klass, showed support on social media. One follower wrote: 'As a midwife I just want to say that’s such a beautiful way to hold such precious memories and feelings towards your baby born sleeping.' Last year, Holden paid tribute to Theo on what would have been his 14th birthday, sharing a candle image on Instagram.
This is not the first time Holden has spoken about her loss. She previously said: 'He looked so normal and so peaceful. I held him in my arms and I said goodbye, basically.' For support, contact Sands (stillbirth and neonatal death charity) on 0808 164 3332 or helpline@sands.org.uk.
