Daily Star's agony aunt Jane O'Gorman is on hand to help readers with their most pressing personal issues, from secretive partners to sexual fantasies. In a recent column, she addressed four letters from readers seeking guidance on trust, infidelity, and communication.
Secretive Partner Raises Suspicions
A male reader wrote in, describing his partner as the most secretive person he's ever met. She claims to work in sales for an international company, but he has never visited her workplace or met her colleagues. He has accused her of being everything from a sex worker to an international spy, but remains clueless about her true activities. He notices her leaving the house when she thinks he is asleep, creeping out and returning around 5am. When confronted, she dismisses his concerns, saying he must have been dreaming.
Despite his frustration, he admits he is terrified of losing her because he loves her deeply and she earns significantly more, paying all their bills. He suspects she has another lover, especially since he detects a musky scent of cheap aftershave on her after she claims to have been to the gym or on a run. He feels weak and hates himself for being a pushover.
Jane O'Gorman advises him to trust his instincts. She says, 'You know, full well, that your girl isn’t a government spy or international art thief. The chances are that she’s having a very ordinary affair with someone who lives close by.' She urges him to confront his partner directly, despite his fear of rocking the boat and jeopardising his cushy lifestyle. 'You must consider your self-respect, your dignity and your sexual health,' she adds. Jane recommends facing her that night, telling her he is not stupid, and asking for the truth about the other person. She concludes, 'Whatever happens, don’t allow her to destroy your confidence or your future.'
Grudge-Holding Boyfriend Causes Distress
A female reader describes her boyfriend of six years as someone who bears grudges. He has fallen out with all their neighbours over issues like dogs, bonfires, and noise. Currently, he is feuding with a couple opposite, whom he believes deliberately park their car to annoy him. When she suggests he relax, he accuses her of being unsupportive and shallow, blaming people like her for a general drop in standards.
Jane's response is blunt: 'Can’t you ask your chap to grow up and simply live and let live? Is he perfect? Has he never made a noise or parked inconsiderately?' She warns that his constant complaining will make him intolerable and miserable to live with. 'He sounds like an absolute pain; someone who is so hung up on the small stuff that he’s forgetting to live in the moment,' she writes. Jane advises that attitudes must change if the relationship is to survive, and if he cannot sort himself out, she should consider moving on. 'Surely life is too short for any of this nonsense?'
Guilt Over Stag Night Infidelity
Another reader confesses to cheating on his partner during a stag trip. He had told the groom he would not drink, but on the first night, he accepted a beer and proceeded to drink heavily for the entire trip. On the last night, he slept with a stranger. Since returning, he has been unable to touch his girlfriend, who is confused because their sex life used to be good. He is terrified she will leave him and asks what he can do short of telling the truth, saying the guilt is killing him.
Jane questions why not telling the truth is even an option. 'Surely the truth is going to come out anyway? If you were on a rowdy stag holiday with a load of mates, then someone is inevitably going to blab,' she says. She emphasises that keeping quiet is not a solution because his conscience is eating him up. 'Owning up is going to be hard, but doesn’t she deserve to hear about this from you?' Jane advises him to come clean for the sake of both of them.
Sexual Fantasies Clash in New Relationship
A woman writes that her new boyfriend and she are at odds over sex. During a conversation about fantasies, she mentioned fancying James Bond types, while he went overboard describing group sex, girl-on-girl action, sex toys, and heavy porn. She was shocked, but he claimed he was just being honest. She feels freaked out.
Jane advises taking the relationship day by day. 'You’re an individual with a mind of your own, so keep your options open,' she writes. She suggests that if he asks her to engage in something she is uncomfortable with, she should simply say no thanks. Jane also notes that it was brave of him to speak up and lay out his sexual preferences so early, adding, 'At least you know now where you stand.'
