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Parents say he's too old
My parents have banned me from sleeping with my new boyfriend. I'm 19 and he's 35. They disapprove of the fact he's divorced and rage that he's too old for me. They won't meet him, allow him into the family home or give me any money while we're still an item.
This is so unfair. I'm at college and rely on their handouts to survive. I've tried to explain that he's only 16 years older than me. American actress Sydney Sweeney is 28, while her boyfriend, music executive Scooter Braun is 44 – they're the same age difference as us. Where are we supposed to have sex if we can't use my bedroom?
JANE SAYS:
Sydney Sweeney is almost ten years older than you and an established actress. She's an experienced woman of the world. Like it or not, you're still in your teens and your parents are entitled to voice their opinion. At 35, your guy has already been married and divorced once and now he's in your life.
I suspect your parents are questioning why his marriage failed and why he's interested in you. They can ban anyone they fancy from their own home. They don't have to welcome or host your boyfriend if they don't want to. They aren't obliged to offer him a bed for the night so that he can sleep with their darling daughter in her childhood room.
What are his living arrangements? What has he got to offer you? Why doesn't he have a flat or even a bed of his own? There's no denying that age gap relationships can and do work. They're usually defined at 8+ years. Look at celebrities like Catherine Zeta Jones (56) and Michael Douglas (81), they have a very successful marriage and there's 25 years between them. Also, Jay-Z (56) and Beyonce (44) are 12 years apart.
Outside of the world of showbiz, I'm sure we all know 'real people' who are of differing ages and don't believe that age matters if love is at the heart of a relationship. But never forget that you are you, you are not anyone else. You are unique and precious. Your parents are the people who know you best and have your very best interests at heart.
Perhaps they worry that your man is a predator or that he has an unhealthy interest in younger women. Maybe they've even done some digging around and discovered a few things about him that even you aren't aware of yourself… Now that you're older, they have very little power over you, so withholding your money and denying him entry is all they have left. Would they be willing to meet and talk to him on neutral ground, such as a café or relative's house? Don't fall out with them.
Keep an open mind regarding your guy's intentions and don't allow your pride or passion to blind you. Forget the likes of Sydney Sweeney because her life is not your life and her lived experiences are a million miles away from yours.
