Daughter struggles with mother's lingering resentment
A woman has written to Coleen Nolan seeking advice about her mother's ongoing bitterness a decade after her divorce. The reader, now married with a baby, explains that her mother continues to portray her father as a 'vile person' and blames him for the marriage's failure. This narrative has prevented the daughter from maintaining a close relationship with her father, as she says it's 'not worth the grief' from her mother.
Impact on family relationships
The daughter notes that her mother's behavior has been damaging to both her and her brother over the years. Meanwhile, her father has moved on, remarried happily, and has two younger children. The mother, however, cannot accept this and remains stuck in the past. The daughter is now considering cutting ties with her mother as well, fearing her own son will be affected by the negativity. She reveals that her father did not attend her wedding due to the family rift.
Coleen's advice: Speak up and set boundaries
Coleen Nolan advises the reader to have an honest conversation with her mother, expressing her feelings directly. 'Tell her you love her and you’re sorry for what she went through, but it’s been 10 years and it’s draining,' Coleen writes. She suggests explaining how the mother's behavior has impacted the daughter's life and that she will not allow it to affect her son, who deserves a relationship with his grandfather.
Encouraging a healthier future
Coleen emphasizes that the reader is no longer a teenager living at home and should find the confidence to speak up. 'Sometimes people need the hard truth – even if it’s a close relative – and need to be shown how their behaviour is impacting other people,' she adds. If the mother reacts badly, Coleen advises making it clear that cutting ties would be the mother's choice, but the reader prefers a more honest, healthier relationship. Coleen concludes by noting the sadness of the mother being consumed by grudges while life passes her by, and urges the daughter to help her see that she is the one losing out.
