Gemma and Dave Orton from Market Bosworth, Leicestershire, lost their eldest son Freddie in a car accident just five weeks after his seventh birthday in 2022. They said creating a memorial day that was “as celebratory and as uplifting as possible” helped them deal with their grief.
Freddie passed away on July 15 2022, surrounded by his family. His mother Gemma, 42, told PA Real Life that Freddie “stayed with us long enough so that everybody could get to say goodbye to him”.
An ‘extremely happy’ boy
Gemma described Freddie as “an extremely happy boy”. She said: “He was always the one with his arm around his mates on the side of the football pitch – win or lose, Fred had a smile on his face. He was the most amazing big brother. His hobbies were Lego and football – he discovered football only eight or nine months before he died, and really got into it, he just loved it. He’s left a lasting legacy at the football club, who celebrate him all the time.”
Freddie’s father Dave, 43, added: “I know every parent is going to be a bit biased towards their own son or daughter, but he was just magic. So chilled, so relaxed. You could be doing the most mundane job, and he would be enthusiastic about helping. He was a great help at school – the teachers talked about what good help he was around tidying up and PE. Just a real energy for life, that infectious personality, a social butterfly, friends with everyone, and just loved life. Just loved it.”
Dealing with the aftermath
In the aftermath of the accident, Gemma and Dave rushed to the hospital to be with Freddie. Gemma said it felt “incredibly surreal”. She recalled: “I remember being at the hospital, and I almost felt like I was watching this happen to us, watching it from afar. It doesn’t feel real, and then of course it becomes more real in the days to follow. I think the hardest thing that we had to do was tell (our younger son) Harry, who was just about to turn four. And then I guess we just put one foot in front of the other.”
The family was supported by the Bodie Hodges Foundation, a Leicestershire-based charity supporting families bereaved of a child, which Gemma had been working with for two years before Freddie died. The charity helped them navigate their grief and explain Freddie’s death to their then-three-year-old son Harry.
A celebration of life
The Ortons decided against a traditional funeral, which Gemma said she found “really, really scary”. She said: “I just found the idea of a traditional funeral for Freddie so scary and dark, and just so final. Everything that I looked at online, whether it was a crematorium or a church or whatever that might be, I was just terrified of that day. Absolutely terrified.”
Dave added: “We’ve always been about living life, as Fred was, and about colour, and celebration, and shorts and flip flops, very relaxed. And actually, he would never have known me in a black or grey suit. He would never have seen me in a suit like that, and he would have never seen Gemma dressed for a traditional funeral… We wanted to celebrate Fred… Celebrate him and his life, and try to make it as celebratory and as uplifting as possible in something that is so tragically sad, that should never happen to a seven-year-old.”
At the time, the family lived on a smallholding with fields where they had recently hosted a football party for Freddie’s seventh birthday. They decided to hold the celebration there. Their funeral director, Joseph Barsby, managing director at G. Seller, told them “you can do whatever you want”.
A large tipi was set up in the field for Freddie’s celebration of life, where family, friends and teachers gathered, dressed in their favourite outfits. Freddie’s casket was wrapped in a photograph of the scenery around his home and placed on a bed of white balloons, in a hearse driven around the town, past his school, where Gemma said the “streets were absolutely filled with so many people… it was incredible”.
Guests were seated on hay that Freddie and Dave had baled earlier that summer. The site was decorated with Freddie’s favourite things, including his Lego sets, footballs, his bike, photographs, and a pallet swing like the one he loved at the farm. The celebration was filmed so that Harry and their now-nine-month-old son Rory can remember their big brother when they are older.
After the celebration, Freddie was taken by Joseph to be cremated. Gemma explained: “We chose not to go to the cremation. For us, Fred wasn’t there. That was his vehicle. And again, just found that bit really scary. But Joseph was incredible, and he came back afterwards to tell us that he looked after Fred, and Fred was in the sky.”
Sharing their story
Gemma and Dave said they were happy with how Freddie’s celebration of life came together. Gemma said: “I was really proud of what we achieved for Fred that day. It was really perfect for him. He would have loved it. It was a really special day.”
They share their story in the hopes that other people facing bereavement understand that they “don’t have to accept that off-the-shelf idea of what a funeral might look like”.
Funeral trade association SAIF, which represents the UK’s independent funeral directors, says the Ortons’ story is reflected across the profession, with many members going above and beyond to help bereaved families create extraordinary send-offs. SAIF chief executive Terry Tennens said: “The idea that funerals are a dark and sombre affair no longer holds true, with more and more families choosing to reflect the life and personality of loved ones who have passed. The shift towards personalised funerals has accelerated since the pandemic, when funeral directors and families in their care began exploring new approaches to saying goodbye under the restrictions. We believe this trend will only continue, and independent funeral directors remain dedicated to guiding families along that journey.”
