A mother has told how she feels let down because both sets of grandparents show little interest in her three-year-old daughter. Writing to the Daily Record's agony aunt Coleen Nolan, she said the grandparents remember birthdays and send Christmas gifts but never visit, with the family always making the journey to see them.
As the first grandchild for both families, the mother assumed they would be "over the moon" and want to be as involved as possible, making the lack of engagement surprising. Both sets of parents still work full or part-time, and have other interests, hobbies and travel plans, but she finds it sad that they are never around.
Pressure on working grandparents
In her reply, Coleen said she understands the situation from both sides, noting there is a lot of pressure on grandparents these days, especially those who still work. She said that while retired people do not have a duty to be full-time grandparents, working grandparents can come home exhausted and not want to go straight into childcare duties.
Coleen, who is 61, said she adores all her grandchildren but needs time for herself after years of putting her own kids first. She pointed out that every grandparent's circumstances are different, citing her eldest sister, who is single and not working so much now, and therefore is fully hands-on.
Advice to talk it through
Coleen advised the mother not to bottle up her feelings and get resentful, suggesting she have a conversation with the grandparents, perhaps starting with a heart-to-heart with her own mum. She said an arrangement could be reached where they see more of the daughter and the mother feels more supported.
She added that both sets of grandparents almost certainly love the girl to bits and would help if the family were really stuck, but they might be unaware of how the mother feels, so talking to them is the key.
