A 54-year-old reader is distressed that her son's wife, 44, has kept their families separate for nearly 18 years of marriage. The couple have two teenage children. The daughter-in-law is close to her own family, socialising and holidaying with them, while the reader's side rarely receives invitations.
Prom Night Incident Sparks Conflict
Last year, the reader was invited to see her granddaughter off to her prom. In the kitchen, she saw the granddaughter looking uncomfortable while her mother adjusted her dress. The reader commented, 'it wasn’t appropriate,' meaning the mother's actions, but the granddaughter thought she was being accused of impropriety and became upset.
The next day, the daughter-in-law texted the reader, saying she 'had to learn not to upset people.' She explained that the granddaughter was embarrassed and that the reader should have left. The daughter-in-law stated she understood the reader was 'entitled to a relationship with my son and grandchildren, but not with her,' and described them as 'very different people.'
Attempted Apology and Blocking
The reader apologised via text, stating she had no idea she had been upsetting her daughter-in-law. However, she believes she was blocked. Her son explained that his wife is going through early menopause and has fallen out with several people, but the reader suspects he is trying to placate her. He only calls when in their bedroom or out with the dogs, as he dislikes confrontation. The reader's husband and daughter advise her to leave it, but she seeks resolution.
Coleen's Advice: Focus on Grandchildren
Coleen Nolan, the advice columnist, points out that the daughter-in-law is not blocking the reader from a relationship with her grandchildren. She suggests taking the advice to let it go. 'Look, it is upsetting when you don’t get along with your child’s partner and it does make things more difficult but, unfortunately, it’s not a given you’re going to get on,' Coleen writes.
She praises the reader for apologising and suggests writing a letter as an olive branch if the message didn't get through. Coleen advises focusing on supporting her son through the challenges of menopause, which can strain marriages. 'Put your energy into being a great mum and grandparent and help out where you can,' she recommends.
Words of Wisdom
Coleen concludes with advice for a fresh start: stop blaming and digging up the past. Address issues once, learn from them, and commit to moving forward. Acknowledging mistakes can help rebuild the relationship.
