An author has revealed the terrifying ordeal she endured at the hands of an ex-boyfriend, who subjected her to coercive control, infidelity, and a campaign of stalking that included breaking into her home.
A Dream Turned into a Nightmare
Sophie Lee, 37, from East Yorkshire, initially believed her relationship was perfect. "At first it was like a dream. He thought I was the best thing in the world," she recalls. However, the dynamic swiftly changed, becoming toxic and controlling. If she disagreed with him, he would retaliate by cheating on her.
The situation escalated to aggression. "He used to get really angry and used to throw stuff at me," Sophie states. Despite the abuse, she was convinced he was the love of her life. To cope with her distress, she began drinking and taking cocaine. When she finally found the strength to end the relationship with Steve, the danger intensified.
The Stalking and Home Invasion
"After we broke up, I felt very afraid of him," Sophie explains. Although he returned her house keys, he had secretly made a copy. She started returning from work to find objects moved around her home. The intrusions became more brazen. "Then I’d come home and my entire washing would have been done. He’d obviously been in my house for the whole day," she describes.
The final straw came when she discovered he had used her computer to search for 'how to kill yourself'. Fearing for her life, Sophie moved in with a friend, too scared to report him to the police. "It was all a twisted game to him," she says.
Finding a Path to Recovery
Fortunately, her ex eventually stopped pursuing her. Sophie sobered up, took a break from dating, and focused on rebuilding her shattered self-esteem. Six years ago, she met tradesman Craig Lee, 38, in a bar. "It took me a long time before I felt like I could trust him and open myself up fully to him. But he’s never been anything other than fabulous," she shares. The couple have since bought a house together. "I’ve finally found my happy ending," Sophie affirms.
Her story emerges as the UK marks 10 years since coercive control became a criminal offence in December 2015. Statistics reveal the scale of the problem: approximately 1.6 million women experience domestic abuse annually in England and Wales, with police recording around 50,000 cases of coercive control each year. Recent research suggests coercive control may constitute over 80% of reported domestic abuse.
Experts Demand More Action
Leading experts are urging the Government to do more to prevent coercive control, support victims, and encourage reporting. Dr Cassandra Wiener, an Associate Professor in Law at City, St George’s, University of London, warns: "The link between coercive control and homicide is clear." She describes it as a "purposeful pattern of behaviour" used to harm, punish, or frighten victims.
Gemma Sherrington, CEO of Refuge, emphasises the insidious nature of this abuse. "It often goes unrecognised, hiding in the seemingly small moments of control and manipulation... it can be equally as traumatic and harmful for survivors." She notes that while it was criminalised in 2015, convictions remain "woefully low," which can deter survivors from coming forward.
Examples of coercive behaviour include:
- Isolating you from friends and family
- Monitoring your time and online communication
- Controlling your finances and everyday life
- Repeatedly putting you down and humiliating you
- Making threats or intimidating you
Dr Wiener states that while police are learning to listen to victims' fear, "more needs to be done to encourage women to leave these dangerous situations and come forward to get help."
Sophie Lee's book, 'Beyond Palatable: A Manifesto for Unapologetic Women' (Luath Press, £14.99), will be published on March 8, 2026.
If you are in an abusive relationship and need confidential advice and support, call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247.
