Marriage Miserable After Husband's Pre-Wedding Lie on Drinking
A woman has confessed that her marriage is causing her profound misery, attributing her distress to a significant lie her husband told before their wedding. The 30-year-old, married for two years to her 32-year-old husband, shared her story on Reddit's r/relationships forum, detailing how her husband's deception about his drinking habits has led to deep-seated incompatibility and emotional pain.
Background of Sobriety and Boundaries
The woman explained that she had established strict boundaries around values when they first met, rooted in her personal history with alcohol. She stated, "Background: my dad was an alcoholic my whole life. I became an alcoholic in my teens. My ex-husband was an alcoholic, abusive, and hid his addiction from me after promising to stop. All of this formed my decision to simply not want to be around alcohol." This led her to prioritize sobriety in a partner, a condition she made clear from the outset.
The Lie and Its Consequences
According to her account, her husband assured her that he almost never drank, claiming he would only have a beer "once in a blue moon" and that alcohol was no longer his thing. She took him at face value, believing they were spiritually and health-compatible. However, shortly after their marriage, she noticed he drank excessively, and within a year, he was regularly buying packs of beer and consuming alcohol at home or during social outings. She expressed feeling misled and hurt, as she had explicitly stated she would not enter a relationship with someone who drank alcohol at every social function.
Ongoing Conflict and Incompatibility
The conflict escalated when her husband agreed not to drink around her but admitted to hiding it at family events, such as having a drink in the garage to avoid her seeing it. She was not okay with this arrangement. Recently, his drinking has increased to multiple times a week when with friends. "He's telling me I'm controlling and need to deal with it," she wrote, adding that she feels this is a fundamental incompatibility. Despite her aversion to divorce, she questions whether she must accept a lifetime of misery, given alcohol's destructive impact on her life.
Community Responses and Advice
Reddit users offered varied perspectives, with many advocating for separation or divorce. One commenter noted, "He’s not going to change, so you have to [divorce him]. Either accept him or change your marital status. I’d personally choose the latter. You were deceived and should choose your own wellbeing." Another emphasized the threat to her sobriety, stating, "He deliberately lied by omission and kept you in the dark. He is a threat to your sobriety. What else is he capable of lying about?" A third agreed that divorce is warranted under these circumstances, while a fourth questioned her stance on divorce, given its necessity in her previous toxic relationship.
This case highlights broader issues of trust, honesty, and compatibility in relationships, underscoring the emotional toll of deception in marriage.
