A couple's domestic bliss has hit a slippery patch over a fundamental daily ritual: the shower. Audrey and Noah, who have been together for three years, are locked in a bubbly dispute about what constitutes proper washing, exposing deep-seated cultural and personal differences.
The Prosecution: Audrey's Case for a Thorough Scrub
Audrey, who is Nigerian, argues her boyfriend Noah does not wash himself thoroughly enough. She was raised with a strict hygiene ethos that mandated vigorous scrubbing with exfoliating net sponges and proper soap, with shower gel expressly forbidden in her family home.
Since moving in together nine months ago, she has observed Noah's more relaxed approach. "He doesn't use soap, and will just pat a bit of shower gel around his body," she states. The issue came to a head recently during a visit to her cousin Femi's house. When Noah, who is Scottish, inquired about a bucket in the bathroom, Femi explained the traditional Nigerian bucket bath method—a practice Audrey describes as a "very satisfying and thorough way of washing."
Seizing the moment, Audrey made jokes about Noah's own washing habits. While she concedes he is not unclean and always smells nice, she insists his technique is inadequate. "There is no scrubbing, no real getting into the cracks and orifices," she says, also noting he doesn't bend to wash his feet, claiming "the water will find its way there."
Audrey believes his lack of exfoliation is bad for his skin and gifted him a net sponge, which remains unused. She acknowledges their different needs—her own haircare routine necessitates longer bathroom time—but wishes he would adopt some of her "tried-and-tested tips."
The Defence: Noah's Plea for Shower Simplicity
Noah counters that he is clean, smells pleasant, and sees no reason to overhaul a routine that works for him. He acknowledges learning about Audrey's meticulous exfoliation culture during their relationship but resists being "forced to change my ways if there's no real problem."
"'Different' doesn't automatically mean 'wrong'," he argues. A self-described "shaved-head, quick-shower kind of guy," Noah showers daily with gel and sees no need for a lengthy "purification ritual" after the gym. He felt ambushed when Audrey used the bucket bath discussion to critique his habits in front of her family, believing such feedback is better delivered in private.
On the specific charge of neglected feet, Noah offers a defence rooted in physics: "When you shower, the water and the shower gel runs all the way down your body. I don't need to scrub my feet as well." For him, the conflict is less about hygiene and more about imposed technique, which he views as a personal and cultural matter.
The Jury's Verdict: Guardian Readers Weigh In
The public debate elicited strong opinions. Some readers sided with Noah's efficiency, with Adam, 55, noting: "If Noah showers every day, and smells and looks clean, I'd say he's clean." Others, like Ana, 51, urged a foot-focused compromise: "They need to be soaped properly."
Several jurors questioned Audrey's approach. David, 73, called her demands "invasive" and suggested her public airing of the issue was a "trust deal-breaker." Friederike, 60, added a dermatological perspective, stating: "Exfoliating every day is not necessary and isn't really good as it damages the skin barrier."
The case follows a previous dispute where 61% of readers found a man named Peter guilty of being overly obsessed with saving water. Now, the judgment on Noah and Audrey's lather-based conflict rests with the public once more.
