A couple's domestic harmony is facing a sudsy challenge over a fundamental daily ritual: the shower. Audrey, who is Nigerian, and her Scottish boyfriend Noah, have found themselves at loggerheads over what constitutes a proper wash.
The Lather of Disagreement
Audrey believes Noah does not wash himself thoroughly enough. Having grown up in a household where proper soap and exfoliating net sponges were mandatory and shower gel was banned, she was taught that rigorous scrubbing is non-negotiable for true cleanliness. After three years together and nine months of cohabitation, she has observed that Noah merely pats a bit of shower gel around his body without the vigorous scrubbing she deems essential.
The issue came to a head recently during a visit to her cousin Femi's house. Noah questioned the presence of a bucket in the bathroom, leading to an explanation of the traditional Nigerian bucket bath—a method Audrey describes as "very satisfying and thorough." Seizing the moment, Audrey made jokes about Noah's perceived inadequate washing technique, which she believes embarrassed him but presented an opportune time to address her concerns.
Audrey insists Noah is not unclean but inadequate in his approach. "There is no scrubbing, no real getting into the cracks and orifices," she argues, also noting he doesn't bend to wash his feet, relying instead on the trickle-down effect. She has bought him a net sponge, which remains unused, and worries his lack of exfoliation is bad for his skin. While he always smells nice, she wants him to adopt some of her "tried-and-tested tips."
A Defence of the Quick Rinse
Noah counters that he is clean, smells pleasant, and sees no problem with his efficient routine. He acknowledges learning about Audrey's different cultural approach to exfoliation but resists being forced to change when there's no apparent issue. "'Different' doesn't automatically mean 'wrong'," he states, characterising his girlfriend's lengthy shower rituals as akin to a "full military operation" or a "purification ritual" that doesn't suit his shaved-head, quick-shower lifestyle.
He felt Audrey used the bucket bath discussion to publicly critique him in front of her family, something he believes should be a private matter. On the specific point about feet, Noah defends his method: "The idea that 'water will find its way' is not an excuse; it is simple physics." He maintains that water and gel running down his body is sufficient and sees the conflict as one of personal technique, not hygiene.
The Jury's Verdict
Guardian readers weighed in with mixed opinions. Some, like Ana, 51, argued that while over-scrubbing can cause skin issues, feet need proper soaping. Alistair, 42, suggested if Noah is clean and odour-free, he's fine, but quipped Audrey could "grab a loofah and help out." Adam, 55, questioned how Audrey would feel if Noah mocked her hair rituals publicly.
Others sided with Noah's personal choice. David, 73, called Audrey's demands "invasive" and a "trust deal-breaker." Friederike, 60, a medical professional, noted that daily exfoliation isn't necessary and can damage the skin barrier, concluding Noah's hygiene seems perfectly adequate.
The core dispute highlights how deeply personal hygiene habits are, often rooted in cultural upbringing and individual preference. While Audrey champions rigorous exfoliation, Noah stands by his efficient, results-oriented rinse. The question remains: in the pursuit of cleanliness, does technique trump personal comfort, or is a pleasant scent proof enough?
