This month marks a decade since coercive control became a criminal offence in England and Wales. Yet, despite the legal milestone, experts warn that far more must be done to protect victims and bring perpetrators to justice. In an exclusive interview, survivor Richa Raval bravely recounts how a pattern of toxic control, which began in her youth, followed her into a devastating adult relationship.
The Hidden Epidemic: Understanding Coercive Control
According to the National Centre for Domestic Violence, approximately 1.6 million women experience domestic abuse annually in England and Wales. Police record around 50,000 cases of coercive control each year, but recent research indicates it could constitute over 80% of all reported domestic abuse.
Dr Cassandra Wiener, an Associate Professor in Law at City, University of London, specialises in the criminalisation of domestic abuse. She explains that coercive control involves a "purposeful pattern of behaviour used by perpetrators to harm, punish or frighten victims." She issues a stark warning: "The link between coercive control and homicide is clear."
Gemma Sherrington, CEO of Refuge, emphasises the insidious nature of this abuse. "It often goes unrecognised, hiding in the seemingly small moments of control and manipulation," she says. "Although it is less understood than physical violence, it can be equally as traumatic."
Richa's Story: From Love-Bombing to Liberation
For Richa Raval, now 31, her first experience of coercive control came from a relative who dictated her friendships, threatening violence if she disobeyed. "It was extremely traumatic, but I didn't realise the impact of it until I left," she recalls. The psychological fallout was severe; after moving to Miami to study at 17, she suffered horrific nightmares and her weight plummeted to just 6st 6lb.
At university, she met a man who initially seemed charming and worldly. "There was a lot of love-bombing - showering me with affection and attention," Richa says. "He said he loved me and that he could see us getting married … within the first month." However, the relationship quickly turned toxic. He demanded constant communication, isolated her from friends, and repeatedly gaslit her about his infidelity.
"I would see him with other girls and when I confronted him, he would say I was possessive," she explains. "He'd accuse me of lying, even though he was the one cheating." Despite trying to leave, the cycle of manipulation and love-bombing kept her trapped.
The final catalyst came nine months into the relationship. After returning from her grandfather's funeral in India, Richa discovered he had cheated again. His cruel justification—that her grief made her "uninteresting"—finally gave her the strength to end it. With therapeutic support, she recognised she was repeating a destructive pattern from her past.
Breaking the Cycle and Building a New Life
Even after moving to Dallas for work, her ex continued his attempts at control, calling her at 2am with outrageous demands. "He told me 'I want to live rent-free in your place. I want to use your travel benefits... and while I'm away I want you to look after my dog'," Richa recalls. With newfound clarity, she refused.
Now living in Ealing, west London, with her partner Adam Miller and their dog, Richa has spent years healing. She found the courage to confront the relative who began her "abusive rollercoaster" and has built a stable, loving relationship. "Being able to build a stable relationship is the biggest achievement of my life," she says.
Driven by her experience, Richa has founded Walnut, a platform dedicated to teaching healthy relationship skills. "It's the toolkit I needed," she explains.
As the tenth anniversary of the coercive control law passes, experts like Dr Wiener stress that while police are learning to listen to victims' fear, more must be done to encourage women to leave and seek help. Conviction rates remain low, often deterring survivors from coming forward.
If you are affected by any of the issues raised, you can contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247 for confidential support.
Recognising Coercive Control: Key Signs
Behaviours that may indicate coercive control include:
- Isolating you from friends and family.
- Monitoring your time, movements, or communications.
- Taking control of everyday life (where you go, what you wear).
- Repeatedly putting you down or humiliating you.
- Controlling your finances.
- Making threats or intimidating you.
