A woman has revealed her boyfriend of 10 years her senior slept with his ex-wife a year ago, and she only found out when the ex called to confess. The couple share an 18-month-old daughter, and he has two older children with his ex.
The woman had suspected the affair about a year ago when he began spending a lot of time at his ex's house, ostensibly visiting his children. When she confronted him, he grew furious and made her feel as though she had lost the plot for accusing him of cheating.
Ex-wife's confession
Her instincts proved correct when his ex recently called to put her in the picture. The ex admitted they had slept together once a year ago and was very apologetic, but felt she should know. The woman believes her boyfriend must have done something to really annoy his ex, prompting her to reveal the truth.
She had always had an inkling he would like to get back with his ex, but every time she asked him, he denied it. Now she feels like an idiot for being taken in and cannot believe he has been lying to her for a year. She is genuinely shocked by his actions and feels there is no going back.
Advice: Honest communication is key
In response, the advice column suggests the decision comes down to whether she wants to try to save the relationship. If it feels like there is no going back, then perhaps she has already answered her own question. However, it is easier said than done when children are involved.
The advice notes that her suspicions were correct and he was still hung up on his ex, but the ex has obviously shut the door on taking him back. The key question is whether he is still hung up on her.
The only way forward is honest communication: where do we go from here? What made you sleep with her? How can I trust you again? If she decides to try to work it out, he must know there are no guarantees or second chances – it is up to him to prove he deserves her trust.
Take time before deciding
At the moment, she is still processing the news and understandably angry and hurt, so she should avoid making any rash decisions. Taking time to think about it will help her make the best decision for herself.
Blended families are complicated enough to navigate, but adding cheating with the ex takes things to another level. No one would blame her for leaving them all to get on with it. However, the advice suggests considering counselling, as it can help her figure out how she wants to move forward.
