A married woman in her 40s has ended a close relationship with another man, which never became physical, but she is struggling to move on. She says her marriage is not bad and she loves her husband, but the excitement of the other man turned her head.
A close but non-physical relationship
The woman explained that the relationship with the other man, who also has a partner, never developed into anything physical because they were both worried about the consequences. He has been texting and calling, but she has ignored his messages, believing it's the only way to move on.
She told him it was too dangerous to keep seeing each other, and he agreed, but they still have strong feelings. She finds herself thinking about him all the time, like a teenage obsession, and knows that if they keep in contact, they will end up in bed together.
Advice to focus on the marriage
Agony aunt Coleen Nolan advises that the other man has been a wake-up call to pay attention to the marriage. She suggests blocking and deleting his number to stop contact, and acknowledges it will be hard but will get easier.
Nolan advises the woman to examine why her marriage is vulnerable, asking what has changed, whether they have stopped making an effort, or if external pressures have taken a toll. She warns that the woman is romanticising the other man because he offers excitement and escape, and the forbidden nature makes it more enticing.
Commit to fixing the marriage
Nolan advises the woman to remind herself of the potential consequences of an affair and to commit to trying to get back what is missing in her marriage. She should put her energy into that to see if she can recover what she has lost.
