Female clients are far harder to please than male ones, according to a sex worker who has decided to stop taking bookings from women.
Melissa Todd, a writer and performer, said she only has three regular female clients and they are all "pretty demanding, jealous and obsessive". One will incessantly call her if she doesn't message back fast enough, she said. Men don't do this, she added.
Men separate sex from emotion
In her experience, men have an easier time separating sexual encounters from emotion. "Men pay me for a session, say thank you, then clear off back to their wives, not thinking of me again until the return of the itch," she wrote. "I like this about men, and my brain works similarly."
She described her ideal scenario as: "Would you like a shag, Melissa? Ooh, lovely! And shall we then never speak again? Perfect!"
Many dommes have told her they refuse to see female clients after a succession of awful experiences. She knows sex workers who have been screamed at by women who, after booking for a couples session, didn't care to see their husbands enjoy a spanking quite so much. Another friend told her a woman had poured an entire packet of sugar in her handbag after feeling neglected.
Men are precise, women vague
While there is a persistent idea that fetish is overwhelmingly male, women absolutely have kinks too, but there is a noticeable difference in how they show up. For example, women often want to pretend to be school girls, with pencil cases and plaits and sherbet dib dabs. But if the shop's out of sherbet, wine gums will do, and if they can't find their pencil case, the illusion won't be ruined.
This isn't the case for men. "Men are oddly, endlessly precise, which actually means it's vastly easier to make them happy," she wrote. With chaps, it's not 'I like this general dynamic', or 'I enjoy this kind of energy'. Instead it's 'I want this exact detail, repeated exactly, or it doesn't quite click.'
Men want a specific shiny silver ring on a particular finger, a certain tone of voice, or the same exact pair of stockings. They want a mundane act, repeated into something almost ritualistic. Women, by contrast, are more often about relationship, feeling and atmosphere, rather than having their desire pinned to one tiny, immovable trigger.
Why male desire is more specific
Partly, it seems to be how arousal patterns develop. Male desire, on average, is more visual and cue-driven. Add repetition and you get a kind of conditioning loop. Something small gets paired with arousal often enough, and suddenly it's not just a preference, but that thing is the only thing that matters.
She cited her butler, who is currently in therapy for his inability to have sex or climax unless he's thinking about wearing a collar and tie, carrying her coat and bringing her martinis. His therapist suggests he thinks about bodies instead, and being obedient, he's trying, but too often finds his attention straying to the need to grout the tiles or pay the vet's bill.
Many men separate their lives into neat boxes: the respectable self, and the private, highly particular world of desire. Fetish lives in that second box, and it tends to get pretty detailed and specific in there.
None of this makes one side more 'normal' than the other. It just means desire organises itself differently. And as far as she is concerned, the fact that women have intense urges, but vague demands, means they're far too difficult to please, and are more than willing to let you know when they're not happy. Which is why, for the sake of her sanity, she won't be taking on any more female clients.
