Ghosting, the act of abruptly ending communication with someone without explanation, has become a common modern dating woe. Psychotherapist Philippa Perry, who works as an agony aunt for Red magazine, says it allows people to avoid feeling guilty.
“People want to shy away from being told off,” Perry explains. “If you've slept with someone and then you don't want to see them again, you kind of know you've been a bit of a cad.” She notes that in a shared social circle, such behaviour would lead to a bad reputation, but online, where circles don't overlap, it's easier to get away with.
For those on the receiving end, Perry suggests practical coping strategies. “Say to yourself, 'OK this cushion represents my ex', then put it on a chair and tell the chair or cushion off,” she advises. “Write a letter you can't send, just so it stops going round and round in your head.”
She also warns against harmful speculation: “Don't use the speculation that will obviously arise in you to do yourself down. Be careful you don't use it as evidence that you're not a great person.” Perry cautions against generalising all dating app users as horrible, as it isn't fair to others.
“It takes two to Tango. But ghosting isn't the answer,” Perry concludes. “No one is perfect for anyone; we become perfect for each other when we spend time together. Before you ghost, have a think about that.”
