Melanie met her husband Ian at university and married a few years after graduating, with four children following close behind. "Sex is something I have a bit of a hangup about," she explains. "I'm happily married but I'd like my sex life to be more numerous, because four kids means it doesn't happen that often."
On average, the couple has sex about once a week, but Melanie says the frequency isn't ideal from Ian's point of view, as she has a lower libido. "My libido tends to be quite up and down depending on mood, where I am in my cycle and, to be honest, if I'm a bit tipsy after a dinner party it's much more likely to happen," she says.
The working week
The week began with the family returning from a weekend in Brittany, where all six shared two rooms. "Obviously that meant intimacy was off the cards," Melanie says. Monday was a typical work day, with no opportunity for sex. She notes that what makes them a strong couple is their shared dry sense of humour, which allows them to laugh about sex droughts.
On Tuesday, their daughter was at home after finishing her exams, with summer holidays in motion. "It usually means a dry sex spell is coming my way," says Melanie. She says it's manageable, but if the drought reaches over two weeks, she and Ian start to bicker. "It doesn't affect me so much, unless I'm in my fertile period, but I have noticed it really affects Ian's mood."
Missed opportunities
Wednesday could have been a chance for intimacy: their son was working in London and their daughter was at a Sixth Form taster day. But they were working and forgot. "We've been married long enough to know that sometimes these opportunities pass us by — there'll always be another one," she says.
Thursday was another near-miss. Melanie had last-minute tickets to a sporting event and took a friend, arriving home at 10:30pm to find Ian had put the younger children to bed. But instead of sex, they had a rare, unusually good chat about friends who were getting divorced. "It's rare we have the time during the week to do so," she says. They went to bed happy, despite not having had sex.
Friday was a busy day with an argument with their daughter, who was "being difficult and hormonal." Ian texted at 6pm to say he was so tired he could curl up and go to bed. They went to bed early and sexless.
The garden quickie
Saturday brought a calmer day. With all the children inside watching a film, Melanie was sunbathing in a bikini at the bottom of the garden. "After a gay friend of mine recently said 'never have sex sober', I joked to my husband that he needs to ply me with more wine to get me in the mood," she says. Ian found it funny but agreed that setting the mood with a few drinks could help.
"In my experience men are much more visual than women, so after a week without sex, I think lying on the grass in a slinky bikini is just too tempting for Ian," she says. They had a quickie there and then, missionary style with him on top. "The sun is in my eyes and it's fairly romantic, but quite short, as we worry about someone appearing and getting the shock of their lives."
Sunday, Melanie was up early to take her older children to a sporting event, arriving home late and tired. Her husband, though exhausted from looking after the younger two, was still riding high from the quickie the day before.
