When caring for a family member or close friend with a life-limiting condition or terminal illness, it can be difficult to know whether they are approaching the end of their life or are just very sick. For many families, distinguishing between the two is crucial for making informed medical decisions, preserving quality of life, and ensuring a peaceful, dignified journey.
Signs to Look For in Elderly Loved Ones
Julie, a hospice nurse and New York Times bestselling author, was asked about the difference between the two on her social media account. She explained exactly when family members should be concerned about a loved one's end-of-life journey. She said: "How do you know if they're actually dying, or if they're just really sick? Here's a few ways. Generally speaking, there's things you look at. There's two different types of patients here usually. Very elderly people who have illnesses, but not like terminal."
"They have life-limiting illnesses - COPD, dementia, Parkinson's, CHF - but long-standing, right? And they're elderly. What you're going to see a lot is them slowly declining, and then they're going to have these periods of time where they're going to be in and out of the hospital all the time."
"You have to ask yourself: How old are they? What diseases do they have? How often are they in the hospital? Are their lengths of stay getting longer and longer? What's their quality of life? If someone is elderly and they're experiencing all these things I'm talking about, you need to start thinking about their end-of-life journey. They might not die right then."
Advice for Families and Friends
Julie then gave families advice on what they should do if they believe they are supporting someone in the final stages of life. She said: "Talk to the medical professionals you're working with. Start thinking about what they would want. If they can tell you, ask them. If they can't tell you, think about who they are, how they are, what they've said in the past."
"It's about preserving their quality of life. It's about giving them a peaceful death, not one that's urgent and in the hospital, and planning for it. And I'm telling you, the more you plan for it, the better it's going to be."
Recognizing the Final Stage in Terminally Ill Patients
"Now, the other population would be someone who is terminally ill. They know they're terminal, they're going to die from this disease. They're not sure exactly when, but they were likely going to die from this disease. If that person is getting weaker and weaker and weaker and needs to go in and out of the hospital more and over and over again - weaker, weaker, weaker, not eating and drinking, sleeping a lot - they are dying."
"If someone has a terminal illness and they're experiencing all of those things, this is it. And this is when we all need to accept that so they can have a peaceful death. A peaceful, planned death that can be in their home, surrounded by loved ones."
"Maybe they're not going to die that day, but we're getting close, and it's time to accept that so they can have a peaceful death however they choose. And maybe that actually is in the hospital, that's up to them."
"But if they've said, 'I don't want to suffer, I want to be around friends and family, I want to be at home,' this is the time, okay? And you need to ask your healthcare workers that you're working with: 'Hey, be honest with me. Tell me what's up. Is this time? If this was your loved one, what would you do?' Ask them those questions, and hopefully they'll give you the real answers."
