Tracy Cliff, 67, wrote candidly in her final months about her determination to enjoy her remaining time, despite her despair at leaving her daughters behind. Her daughter, Jade Farrow, has revealed the heartbreaking diary entries following a catastrophic NHS error.
After a rectal cancer diagnosis, Tracy underwent surgery at Royal Devon & Exeter Hospital in March 2022 to fit a colostomy bag. Surgeons mistakenly stapled the wrong end of her bowel closed, causing a complete obstruction that went undetected for five days.
Final diary entries reveal fears and strength
Writing in her diary during her final months, Tracy, a mother-of-three from Tiverton, Devon, channeled her inner strength while admitting her deepest fears: "I'm dying, and as I can't change that, I am going to have as much fun as possible doing it!"
In another entry, she confessed: "I am getting more and more anxious as each day goes by. I don't want to leave this world; I don't want to leave my girls."
Pain and second operation
The error left Tracy in excruciating pain and forced her to undergo a second major operation, later described by expert evidence as "entirely avoidable". Her recovery was further blighted by hospital-acquired pneumonia, a nasogastric tube and further tests. She died from terminal rectal cancer 16 months later, on 18 July 2023 - her 67th birthday.
Her daughter, Jade Farrow, pursued a successful legal claim following her mum's death. Recalling the horrific aftermath of the initial surgery, Jade told the Daily Mirror: "What upset me the most was how long she was left in pain before they identified what had happened."
"I had her calling me in tears because she was in so much pain, but I read her notes and they recorded her at pain level two. That just didn't match what I was hearing from her."
"I'm not a medical professional, but the first time I spoke to her I knew something was very wrong. I still struggle to understand how a whole team of medical professionals didn't."
Legal settlement and accountability
The case was recently settled for £10,000 after Royal Devon & Exeter NHS Foundation Trust admitted negligence over the operation, though it disputed that the error affected Tracy's overall cancer prognosis. For Jade, however, it's never been about the money; it was about securing accountability for her caring, quick-witted mum, who kept her "wicked" sense of humour to the end.
Jade said: "She insisted on playing 'Girl on Fire' by Alicia Keys for her cremation. It was tasteless as hell and I think she did it to embarrass me, but she insisted on it." When December rolled around, knowing it would be her last Christmas, Tracy transformed her home into a grotto, "decorating the hell out of it and burying the Christmas tree in presents."
Regret over treatment choice
Reading her mum's diaries after death brought fresh waves of heartbreak, as Jade discovered her mum regretted choosing radiotherapy alone over a combined chemotherapy and radiotherapy regime. Following the pain she endured caused by the surgical error, an exhausted Tracy felt unable to cope with the added side effects of chemotherapy. By the time she sought to change her mind, she had already received her maximum lifetime dose of radiotherapy.
"I read the diary the same night she died, when I came home from the hospice," Jade said. "It absolutely broke my heart that she regretted it. She had previously believed there was only a 5% chance with combined treatment. I only found out through the legal case that it was 60%."
Emotional toll and moving forward
Jade says fighting the negligence claim took a heavy toll, describing the three years since her mum's death as "an emotional power cut." She said: "It won't ever get easier, but I'm slowly getting myself back. I wasn't depressed, it was more like I was just absent. There was nothing going on. I was just roleplaying my life."
"You [end up] thinking: 'Okay, this is me now. My life is essentially over, because I'm dead inside.'" But her mum's entries gave her the emotional strength to carry on, said Jade: "Over and over again, she was writing about 'My girls, I'm so proud of my girls' and saying how much she would see us and how grateful she was."
"If the only thing she's sad about is having left her girls, it just proves she wasn't not self-pitying." One entry said: "I have all I want and need, I see my girls loads and I'm mostly happy and in a fantastic, upbeat mood. I think I will go smiling."
Amina Ali, Partner and Head of Clinical Negligence at Veritas Solicitors, said: "By the time Tracy's surgical error was identified, five days had passed and she needed another major operation which expert evidence found was entirely avoidable. For someone already facing treatment for terminal cancer, that was an enormous amount to go through."
"Tracy still had major decisions to make about her cancer treatment after leaving hospital. Jade has always believed that what her mum went through played a part in the choices she made afterwards. Although the Trust did not accept that, it was an important part of the case and something we felt needed to be properly investigated."
"The admission of negligence answered one part of the case, but Jade still wanted to understand why the error wasn't identified for five days and what followed from it. A settlement brings the legal case to an end, but it shouldn't mean those questions are forgotten."
Since the case was settled, Jade feels like she can finally move on with her life. "I've spent three years unrecognisable to my friends and I think that's because there wasn't any closure."
A spokesperson for the Royal Devon University Healthcare NHS Foundation Trust said: "The legal claim in this case has been settled, and an admission of sub-standard care was made, and an apology provided, as part of the Trust's response to the allegations."
"We recognise that on this occasion our care was not as expected, and we are very sorry for the distress that this caused Ms Cliff and her family."
