Former Hollyoaks actor Joe Tracini fought back tears during a deeply emotional podcast appearance, where he revealed the childhood sexual abuse he suffered and discussed how he suppressed the traumatic ordeal for many years. The 37-year-old son of comedian Joe Pasquale first publicly addressed his abuse in the 2024 documentary Me and the Voice in My Head, where he also spoke about his diagnosis with Borderline Personality Disorder.
Suppressed Trauma and Self-Gaslighting
In a new interview on the I'm ADHD! No You're Not podcast, Tracini explained why he waited until his twenties to speak about being abused at age eight. He admitted that he still engages in self-gaslighting due to his BPD diagnosis, constantly questioning whether he might be making up the memories. The actor was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder twelve years ago, a condition characterized by intense, unstable emotions, chronic insecurity, and intrusive thoughts that significantly impact daily functioning.
Omission from Memoir and Documentary Revelation
Tracini spoke with podcast hosts Paul Whitehouse and neuroscientist Dr. Mine Conkbayir about his decision to omit the abuse from his 2022 memoir. He revealed that the documentary captured him saying the words out loud for the first time after producers asked him repeatedly about the unspoken trauma. "I think I wanted talking about what happened to me in my twenties to be enough," Tracini explained, referring to a later abusive incident he had previously disclosed. "I wanted that to process by talking about that."
Dr. Conkbayir observed that discussing the abuse from his twenties was "easier than when he was eight," highlighting how childhood trauma often becomes deeply buried. Tracini described remembering feelings rather than specific details from the childhood abuse, stating he recalls "certain specific things" but not the event with the clarity of other life memories.
The Connection Between Abuse and BPD
During the conversation, Dr. Conkbayir challenged the BPD diagnosis, suggesting instead that Tracini's symptoms represent "unprocessed childhood trauma" from sexual abuse. She pointed to his discussions of intimacy issues and emotional flashbacks as evidence of unresolved trauma. Tracini admitted he has never discussed the abuse with a psychiatrist, making the podcast conversation the most extensive discussion he has ever had about the subject with caring individuals.
"What's insane is this is the most I have ever sat and spoken about it with people that give a s**t," Tracini told his hosts. "Not that I've sat and spoken about it with people that don't care - I've not spoken about it at all."
Father's Perspective and Family Impact
Joe Pasquale, Tracini's father, previously expressed feeling "to blame" for his son's mental health struggles in the Channel 4 documentary. The comedian admitted being in denial about the severity of his son's condition as a teenager, when Tracini battled heavy drug addiction and left home for weeks at a time. Pasquale acknowledged working too much during that period and failing to intervene earlier in his son's downward spiral.
Tracini has attempted suicide six times and continues to struggle with suicidal thoughts, which he connects directly to the childhood trauma. "I've always known as I've gotten older and wanted to kill myself that it's probably related to the thing in the loft," he revealed, using metaphorical language to describe the buried abuse memory.
Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder, also known as Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder, represents the most commonly recognized personality disorder. The condition involves significant differences in how individuals think, perceive, feel, and relate to others compared to average people. Symptoms typically include emotional instability, cognitive distortions, impulsive behaviors, and unstable relationships.
While the exact causes remain unclear, BPD is thought to arise from a combination of genetic predisposition and environmental factors, with many sufferers having experienced trauma or neglect during childhood. The disorder frequently co-occurs with other mental health conditions including depression, anxiety disorders, substance abuse, and eating disorders.
Tracini's struggle highlights the complex relationship between childhood trauma and later mental health diagnoses. His emotional podcast appearance represents a significant step in his journey toward processing the abuse that has shadowed much of his life. The actor expressed gratitude to his hosts for creating a safe space to discuss the trauma, fighting back tears as he acknowledged the importance of their support and validation.
