With Christmas approaching, therapists and relationship experts offer advice on how to navigate family gatherings without conflict. From scheduling breaks to preparing safe conversation topics, these strategies aim to help people survive—and even enjoy—time with relatives.
Katie Rose, a therapist registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP), recommends planning breaks in your schedule. “If you’re going to stay with somebody for three or four days, find ways to politely give yourself a break,” she says, suggesting outings to museums or National Trust sites. Tamara Hoyton, a senior practitioner for Relate at Family Action, agrees: “Arrange a trip out, or offer to cook so that you’re away from the living room.”
To stay calm during difficult conversations, BACP-registered counsellor Georgina Sturmer advises grounding exercises like the 5-4-3-2-1 technique: notice five things you see, four you feel, three you hear, two you smell, and one you taste. “This helps us connect to the environment,” she says. Lucy Blake, author of Home Truths and a senior lecturer in psychology at the University of the West of England, suggests preparing phrases to redirect or exit uncomfortable topics, such as “I find this a difficult topic to talk about.”
Distractions like silly games can defuse tension, but avoid controversial ones like Cards Against Humanity, says Hoyton. Gathering a support network—whether a trusted friend or a WhatsApp group—is also key. “Have a code word for when you’re struggling,” Hoyton suggests, such as “Have we got any bourbon biscuits?” to signal a need for rescue. Finally, manage expectations: fewer than a quarter of family relationships are close and supportive, Blake notes. “Accept that there are limitations,” says Hoyton, and focus on realistic predictions based on past interactions.
