A reader in his forties has written to our advice columnist, Vix, describing a long history of low confidence in relationships, exacerbated by two recent encounters where he experienced erectile dysfunction (ED). He explains that he is on medication that works against typical ED treatments and feels desperate for affection, asking whether he should consider himself sexually incapacitated and if there are specialist dating services for his situation.
Vix reassures him that he is not alone, noting that ED affects 50% of men over 40 and 26% of men under 40. She emphasises that sex does not have to involve penetration and that there are many ways to pleasure a partner. She advises against seeking niche dating sites, as this could make him more self-conscious, and instead recommends meeting people through hobbies, social activities, or mainstream dating apps like Hinge or Bumble.
She also urges him to see a GP, as ED can be linked to underlying health issues such as heart problems or diabetes. She stresses that stress, alcohol, smoking, and other lifestyle factors can also contribute, and that seeking medical help is a positive step rather than a sign of weakness.
