A young adult woman has disclosed that her older male cousin touched her inappropriately when she was six and he was 12, with a second incident allegedly occurring eight years later. The disclosure, made to her parents this year, has shattered the once-close wider family. The cousin, who now faces questions about whether he poses a threat to young children in the family, says he cannot recall either incident.
Prioritising the survivor's safety and agency
Rachel Haynes, head of young people's services at the Lucy Faithfull Foundation, described this as a “complex situation” and stressed that “first and foremost is to think about the safety, physical and emotional, of the young woman. What’s important in these situations is to take things at her pace.” She added: “Often when people have experienced sexual harm, agency and choice has been taken away.”
Haynes emphasised that no one should pressure the young woman to report the perpetrator, as that “heaps all sorts of responsibilities on them and repeats taking away that agency.” Instead, “positioning her at the centre of this is important. Giving her safe places to talk and mirroring her language can help her feel heard.”
Assessing risk to other children
The significant age gap between the cousin and the young woman represents a “significant power difference,” according to Haynes. She noted that a large proportion (30-50%) of child sexual abuse occurs between children, and warned: “There’s an assumption that harm displayed between children is less harmful and that’s not the case. Sexual harm of any form is incredibly damaging and can have lasting impact.”
Given the young woman's parents' own history of childhood sexual abuse, the family is urged to consider whether other members may have been affected. The immediate concern is the potential risk the cousin may present to any young people in his orbit.
Support and next steps
Haynes recommended contacting the Lucy Faithfull Foundation's Stop It Now helpline or the National Association for People Abused in Childhood. Stop It Now can help the family develop a “family safety plan” to discuss risks and consider whether the man should have unsupervised contact with children. “It’s not about demonising him,” Haynes explained, “but about keeping people safe.” The helpline can also explain to the young woman what would happen if she decides to report the matter to the police, and can separately assist the man.
The family is advised to consider appointing a lead person to organise this support, while ensuring that no one takes power away from the young woman. The disclosure has permanently altered the family dynamic, but the response can shape how the situation is managed going forward.
