Agony aunt Jane O'Gorman has addressed two troubling relationship scenarios in her latest advice column for the Daily Star, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness and personal safety.
Foot Rubs and Humiliation: A Confusing Dynamic
A female reader describes a relationship where her boyfriend enjoys being insulted and physically dominated. She writes: "In bed, I physically shove him around and make outrageous demands that he laps up. At the moment I’m demanding loads of oral sex, foot rubs and sensual massages. I bark at him when he gets it wrong." She notes that his softness makes her more monstrous, and she dislikes herself. "I love the guy, but don’t understand what’s going on in his mind," she adds.
Jane O'Gorman responds: "Some individuals DO get off on being treated like dirt. Masochists derive pleasure from their own pain and humiliation. Whether your boyfriend fits into this category is something that only he can confirm." She suggests that he may simply adore her or be a pushover, but advises: "If you don’t like the way you behave when you’re with him, then something must change. Talk to him away from the bedroom to find out what he’s thinking and if you’re suited."
Unreasonable Demands and Aggression: A Safety Concern
Another male reader reports that his girlfriend loves to argue and is quick to anger. He describes an incident where a man tried to push in line and she had him up against a wall. He also experiences her temper, paranoia, and accusations of infidelity. "I love her, but she makes unreasonable demands and puts me through hoops. How much more must I take?" he asks.
O'Gorman advises: "If your partner is guilty of aggressive behaviour coupled with verbal abuse, then I must advise you to walk away. I don’t care how highly strung or emotional she is, you must put your safety first." She warns that her outbursts could escalate and cause serious harm, urging him to confide in trusted friends or relatives and find a safe place to stay. "Then you must take a deep breath, gather your dates and facts and think about reporting her to the authorities." She also recommends that the girlfriend seek professional help from her GP, but stresses that his safety and mental wellbeing are paramount. "This situation isn’t cool or impressive, it’s downright terrifying," she concludes.
Readers can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
