Daily Star agony aunt Jane O'Gorman responds to readers' problems, offering blunt but sound advice on relationships and neighbourly nuisances. Readers can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Note that Jane cannot reply to individual letters and not all problems are published.
Suspected Infidelity: A Reader's Dilemma
A reader writes that he fears his girlfriend wants to split but is too cowardly to speak up. She stays out late, ignores his calls, and accuses him of being a control freak when he offers to pick her up. When he accused her of having an affair, she called him 'crazy'. He feels she looks at him with pure hatred and wonders why he should end things for her.
Jane advises that if she is cheating, she may be trying to push him to the brink. He should explain his limits and that he's tired of games. If she is playing around, he must ask her to stop. If she refuses, he should question why she still comes home—for money, comfort, or shelter. They need to make important decisions.
Aversion to Intimacy: Conflicting Desires
Another reader states he dislikes sex and being touched, finding lovemaking undignified and messy. He explained this to his partner on their first date, and she said she understood, but now she's pushing for intimacy. On holiday, she asked him to pleasure her in a way he finds disgusting; he refused, and she called him cruel.
Jane suggests a conversation to decide if they have a future. She notes that some people adore sex and others are less keen—there are no rules. If a childhood experience, religious upbringing, or trauma may have put him off, he should speak to his GP. If he simply isn't tactile, he must ensure future partners understand and don't see him as a challenge.
Persistent Neighbour: Setting Boundaries
A reader complains about a chatty neighbour who won't leave him alone, even calling at 11pm to borrow a lawnmower and talking until he agreed. He feels he can't move without her questioning him.
Jane advises being strong and ready with an excuse, like work or family commitments. She says the neighbour sounds like a user, and the reader doesn't owe her anything. He should never be afraid to say 'no' and stick up for himself.
