Big Brother viewers have filed more than 7,000 complaints with Ofcom this week over housemate Omar's behaviour towards co-star Rhianna, with accusations of coercive control prompting calls for his removal from the house.
The 21-year-old's conduct has been described as 'scary' by viewers, with some claiming he is exhibiting 'toxic abuse'. Women's Aid has weighed in on the situation, with Veronica Oakeshott, the charity's head of external affairs, saying in a statement: 'Coercive control creates invisible chains and a sense of fear that impacts every element of a survivor's life.'
Oakeshott added: 'It's worrying to see behaviours like this being given a platform in popular media like Big Brother.'
Why coercive control can be hard to spot
While many believe they would always be able to spot abuse, this is not always the case. Victims of coercive control can themselves be unaware of the severity of what is happening, as they are 'entrapped in a world of confusion, contradiction and fear'.
Elements of this have been visible in the house, with Rhianna saying she feels as if she is 'constantly doing something wrong' and is 'going crazy' amid Omar's mood swings.
This situation is not reserved for on-screen couples. When someone is deep into a relationship with a person they think they love, it can be difficult to realise they are being abused. According to the UK Government's campaign, Enough, 'sometimes [abuse] might seem obvious,' and can at times 'be subtle, hidden or overlooked' — but 'recognising abuse is the first step to stopping it.'
One question to ask yourself
In this respect, Women's Aid explains there is one important question to ask yourself that can indicate whether your relationship is abusive: 'Does this feel right?'
A spokesperson for the charity told Metro: 'In its simplest terms, we always encourage women to ask themselves if something doesn't feel right.'
'Disagreements in relationships are normal but when they become frequent and begin to form a pattern, it might be a sign that something is wrong, and possibly abusive – a word that is hard for many people to think about or even say out loud.'
'If something doesn't feel right in your relationship, it probably isn't. A healthy relationship should be a loving, respectful place with values like support, freedom, happiness and consent at the centre.'
Warning signs and language to watch for
The charity also flagged certain language to be aware of, continuing: 'We know that an abuser may say things like: "I didn't mean it", "I was having a bad day", or "It only happened once" in order to justify or excuse their hurtful behaviour.'
'This might make you start doubting whether your concerns about your relationship are valid. If you've heard any of these before, it could be a sign of an unhealthy or controlling relationship.'
Other common examples of coercive behaviour include isolating you from friends and family, depriving you of basic needs such as food, monitoring your time, monitoring you via online communication tools or spyware, taking control over aspects of your everyday life such as where you can go, who you can see, what you can wear and when you can sleep, depriving you access to support services such as medical services, repeatedly putting you down such as saying you're worthless, humiliating, degrading or dehumanising you, controlling your finances, and making threats or intimidating you.
Coercive control was made a criminal offence in England and Wales in December 2015.
Case that brought the issue to light
The issue was brought to public consciousness in part due to the case of Sally Challen, who killed her husband, Richard, after years of being controlled and humiliated by him. At the time of her conviction in 2011, coercive control was not a crime, and she was sentenced to life in prison with a minimum tariff of 22 years (later reduced to 18 years) for murder.
In 2017, feminist campaigning organisation Justice for Women submitted grounds for appeal, using evidence of coercive control to challenge Sally's conviction. Two years later, her conviction was overturned and a retrial ordered, in which prosecutors ultimately accepted her plea of manslaughter. Her sentence was changed to 14 years in prison, and she walked free due to time already served.
One survivor, Kirsten*, 36, was in a relationship with her ex-partner for four years. It was years later that she finally understood he'd been abusive. She told Metro: 'When we met, he seemed like the perfect guy. But over time, he completely eroded my self-confidence.'
'I was called a psycho, or stupid, almost every day. If I ever tried to tell him how his actions were making me feel, I would just be told I was wrong — no further discussion necessary. He even told me I should go to therapy because there was something wrong with me, so I did.'
'Subtle, but very real, rules were put in place. I wasn't allowed to sit next to him on the sofa. I wasn't allowed to call him (he called me), and I wasn't allowed to initiate sex — only he could. If plans were made with his friends or family, I was expected to be by his side. If I tried to do the same, he'd do his best to avoid them at all costs. I lost friends because I was so scared about being away from him.'
'I got to the point where I couldn't imagine life without him. So, when he eventually dumped me, I was distraught. It wasn't until I restarted therapy, years later, and spoke about the relationship, that my counsellor called the relationship what it was: abuse.'
