Mother's Dilemma: Son Keeps Distance Despite Devoted Parenting
A mother writes to advice columnist Annalisa Barbieri about her relationship with her adult son in his late 20s. She and her husband have always been devoted to him, keeping weekly contact and visiting monthly. However, she feels hurt by his occasional coldness and comments about not living with her or moving abroad. She admits she never really wanted children due to her own traumatic childhood, but embraced motherhood fully after her son was born.
Expert Analysis: Overcompensation and Guilt
Clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst Dr Stephen Blumenthal suggests the mother may be overcompensating for her initial reluctance to have children. He explains that guilt over negative feelings can lead to embracing the opposite, making it hard to let go because letting go subconsciously means she didn't want him. He advises that adult children need to feel their parents are strong enough together and don't need their presence to maintain their happiness.
Advice: Invest in Your Own Life
Annalisa Barbieri advises the mother to face her loss and invest in her own life away from being a mother. This would take pressure off her son to fill emotional gaps. The mother should talk to her husband, a friend, or a therapist about her feelings. By showing she doesn't need him to be present, she may encourage him to want to spend time with her.
