A stepfather who developed sexual feelings for his adult stepdaughter has sought advice from counsellor Laura Collins in Metro's Sex Column. The reader, now in his 50s, married a woman with a six-year-old daughter when he was in his late 20s. The marriage ended after they had two sons together, but he maintained a fatherly relationship with his stepdaughter.
The Problem
The stepdaughter recently returned from university, transformed from an awkward teenager into a confident, glamorous young woman. She asked to live with him due to its proximity to her new job. He agreed, but now finds himself fantasising about her sexually at night. He wrote: 'I hate myself for having these thoughts and sometimes think the easiest thing would be to ask her to leave, and cut her out of my life altogether.' However, he fears this would devastate her.
Laura Collins' Advice
Collins strongly advises against cutting contact: 'Please don’t cut your step-daughter out of your life. You’re the only dad she’s ever known, and such an act would be cruel and confusing for her.' Instead, she recommends establishing healthy boundaries and seeking therapy to untangle his feelings. She also suggests joining dating apps to find a more appropriate relationship. 'Avoid close physical situations, like snuggling up on the settee to watch TV – offspring and parents with blood ties usually have a natural barrier which prevents them from getting too close, but in the absence of that, you need to take practical steps to create boundaries,' she writes.
Impact and Conclusion
Collins warns that if the stepdaughter discovered his feelings, she would likely view him as a 'dirty old pervert', ruining their bond. She emphasises that his rational self knows the feelings are inappropriate and urges him to focus on his role as a father. The column also includes a poll asking readers whether he should cut contact, with options 'Absolutely – this will only end badly' and 'No, losing him may be traumatic for her'.
