Daily Star's agony aunt Jane O'Gorman offers straight-talking advice to readers grappling with betrayal and self-image issues. In her latest column, she addresses a woman devastated by her ex-husband's secret child and a man struggling with loneliness after a dramatic weight loss.
Betrayal and Divorce After Secret Family Discovery
A reader wrote to Jane explaining that her marriage collapsed when she discovered her ex-husband had a child with another woman. She spied him in a pizza restaurant with his secret family and followed him to his second home, causing a scene. The other woman revealed they had been sleeping together for years—even while the reader worked seven days a week saving for IVF. Tragically, the reader and her ex never had a baby, and she now feels bitter and let down.
The reader added that her ex-husband's mother blames her, saying she should have been a better wife. Jane advises: 'You didn’t cheat; you didn’t create a baby with someone else – your ex did. Vow to get through the divorce the best you can and then view this as a new beginning; this is your time now and you can do anything you like with your life.' Jane also suggests the reader should tell her ex-mother-in-law that her cruel comments are unwelcome, adding: 'She's nothing to you now. Let your ex-husband's new woman have the pleasure of her company - and comments - instead.'
Loneliness After Dramatic Weight Loss
Another reader, a 32-year-old man, shared that he has lost a significant amount of weight using weight loss jabs, had a hair transplant, and removed excess skin from his body. Despite his new appearance, he feels 'sex-starved, lonely and friendless as ever.' He expected girls to demand sex and bosses to queue up to employ him, but nothing has changed. His cousin says he's the most handsome guy she knows, but he can't 'get arrested.' He has asked for a promotion but his boss keeps batting him away. He lacks confidence for online dating and wants girls to approach him instead.
The man explained he was a skinny kid but started comfort eating when his father left with a younger woman. From age 20, he ate cakes, sweets, fizzy drinks, and drank beer, leading to weight gain. A serious fall on a family holiday prompted him to see his GP, get the jabs, join a gym, and lose weight. Now he wonders if it has all been a waste of time.
Jane responds: 'You’ve worked hard and achieved so much. You’ve earned the right to be proud of yourself. Losing weight – and keeping it off – is never easy. But this is merely the beginning of your journey. Changing your appearance was one thing, now you must get out there and start living.' She advises him to be proactive, take chances outside his comfort zone, and build on his successes. She suggests retraining, further education via the Open University, travel, volunteering, or networking events. 'Ultimately, you can’t rely on other people to make you happy. Be a go-getter. If you continue to wait for someone to ask YOU out, then you could be waiting a very long time,' she says.
