Hits Radio presenter James Barr has spoken about sharing his experience of domestic abuse through his comedy show, which is set for Manchester this weekend. The show, titled Sorry I Hurt Your Son (Said My Ex to My Mum), was performed at the Fairfield Social Club on Saturday night, October 24.
The show's synopsis describes it as a candid look at James's experiences of domestic abuse as a gay man, and how he navigated the stigma and shame often placed upon survivors by society. It has been praised as "hilarious and heartbreaking."
Refuge Winter Appeal
With October marking Domestic Abuse Awareness Month, James spoke to the Manchester Evening News about a new campaign from Refuge, the UK's largest specialist domestic abuse organisation. The charity's winter appeal begins in November, highlighting that many survivors arrive in refuges with nothing but the clothes on their backs, and children often leave behind their home, school, friends, and toys.
With Christmas marking "the first of freedom" for many mums and their children, donations will allow Refuge to provide vouchers for presents, decorations, and Christmas dinner. James said of the appeal: "It can take a long time to feel safe again. That's why Refuge's winter appeal matters so much. It helps survivors and their children find safety, and gives them the space to start rebuilding. Remembering that they were always worthy of love, and learning to feel that again."
The Show's Title Origin
James revealed that the show's title came from something his ex did during the festive period after their relationship ended. His ex sent a Christmas card to James's mum, writing "sorry I hurt your son." James recalled: "She showed me that and I was like 'what the hell'. It was bizarre, I couldn't believe he wrote it." He noted that his ex denied hurting him but sent the card to his mum, which James found confusing.
James said the show is about that four-year relationship from start to finish, covering how he fell in love, the slow erasure of himself, the violence, and his escape. He explained: "The aftermath is one of the hardest things to live through. Talking about it, admitting that you faced it is even harder than experiencing it sometimes, especially for me."
Facing Abuse and Healing
James said he initially felt "weak, embarrassed and ashamed" after leaving, but realised "it takes an incredibly strong person to be able to be in an abusive relationship." He added: "You're not weak if you can sustain that level of abuse and still worry about them above yourself, and that's a strong person with a huge ability to love."
After leaving, James couldn't perform comedy at first, feeling his jokes "didn't feel authentic anymore." Six months later, after seeing his ex had a new boyfriend, he decided to take accountability and use comedy to tell his story. He said: "We need to face abuse, it's happening on such a huge national scale. We all think 'that'll never happen' to me, but that's why we need to talk about it."
James described the show as "a time capsule of my healing," adding: "I'm just so proud of myself for being able to do it. I feel like I'm safe when I perform, it was really sad for a long time and now I'm like 'I'm home doing exactly what I should be doing'."
