A reader is caught in a painful dilemma after her older sister's fiance attempted to kiss her during an engagement party, and she is unsure whether to reveal what happened.
What happened at the party
The reader explains that the fiance followed her into the lobby of the restaurant and lunged in to kiss her while he was "blind drunk". She shouted in his face that he should be ashamed of himself and returned to the party, shaking with shock and rage.
Since the incident, she has avoided both him and her sister. She feels she should tell her sister what he did, but fears she will be devastated, may not believe her, or could even blame her.
Concerns about the relationship
The reader says her sister's fiance is "clearly not good enough for her", and she cannot stand the thought of her marrying him. She has also heard rumours about him with other women during his relationship with her sister but has never had the courage to tell her.
She has confided only in her best friend, who was horrified and insisted she must tell her sister. She has considered telling her mum but believes she will "go to pieces" and it will turn into a big drama.
Advice from Coleen
In response, Coleen acknowledges it could be a case of "shoot the messenger", but notes her sister might later find out about her fiance and be angry she was not told. She suggests starting by mentioning the rumours about other women and saying she felt her sister ought to know.
Coleen advises emphasising that she is telling her sister because she loves her and does not want to see her get hurt. She warns that her sister might blame the drink, and that it could cause a falling out, but says the reader must weigh up what matters more.
She also suggests it is not a bad idea to confide in another family member or one of her sister's close friends to get their opinions and support. She notes that her sister may confront him or even call off the engagement, but he might convince her it was just a laugh and that he was drunk and does not remember it.
