When four-year-old Ana pointed to her nanny and declared, 'They is my nanny,' she not only corrected a church volunteer's assumption but also became one of the biggest allies for Henna Patel, a 31-year-old non-binary nanny. The incident occurred at a community group hosted in a church, where a volunteer had mistaken Patel for Ana's mother. Patel, who uses they/them pronouns, was stunned by the child's confident defense.
A slow awakening to non-binary identity
Patel first tested she/they pronouns in 2022, after a year of gradual self-discovery. This awakening coincided with their exploration of polyamory, having joined a triad with two partners. 'I began to explore what type of relationships I wanted and needed in my life, and I found myself wondering if I really believed in a gender binary,' Patel wrote. Seeing non-binary friends thrive inspired them to embrace their own gender fluidity.
Coming out to their mostly queer friend group was met with affirmation: 'This makes so much sense for you.' However, family reactions were mixed. Patel sent a group chat message explaining that the word 'daughter' no longer fit. Responses ranged from 'so happy that this is right for you' to 'it will be harder for older generations to understand.' While supportive overall, Patel notes that slip-ups persist, especially from those not queer-adjacent.
From charity to childcare
Having previously worked in the charity sector, Patel switched to childcare in 2025, seeking the free and dynamic energy of children. They first nannied a six-month-old, where parents lovingly called them 'Uncle Henna.' Nannying quickly scratched their broody itch, though Patel does not want to be pregnant. They adore having children in their life, including niblings (gender-neutral for nieces/nephews), one of whom is being raised genderless by two non-binary parents.
When Ana asked, 'Why are you a they?' Patel simplified: 'I’m not a boy, or a girl. I’m in the middle. Just a bit different.' Ana responded by running off to play, only to return with more questions, eventually declaring, 'You’re just…Henna Benna.'
Kids as natural allies
Patel emphasizes that children's questions come from curiosity, not hate. 'They are trying to understand the world and communities around them. They are sponges, taking in incredible amounts of new information daily,' Patel wrote. This openness contrasts with adults who have 'preconceived ideas about gender that comes from the patriarchy.'
'We need to be more like the kids,' Patel concludes. 'With each new generation, this openness, curiosity, and questioning of the world becomes stronger and seeps into life fluidly.'
