Jimmy Kimmel returned from holiday to address Donald Trump's record-low poll numbers and the troubled debut of his new press secretary, Katie Zacharia.
Trump's poll numbers and Truth Social decline
“We are only 19 days away from our president claiming that the elections were rigged,” said Kimmel on Thursday evening. “Never mind the fact that he is the one trying to rig them, of course.”
“Republicans got some very bad tidings from the fake liberal media,” as even Fox News, the president's former favorite, predicts that Democrats will flip the House in the midterms. The network “also betrayed daddy” with a new poll showing his approval rating at 36%, its lowest point ever, while traffic to Truth Social is down 30% year to year.
“He seems to be the only one who posts to Truth Social,” said Kimmel. “And I seem to be the only one who reads those posts on Truth Social. It's really just the two of us.”
Rallies and a joke about a firing squad
“Don Jr hasn't posted on Truth Social in two months,” he added. “Even Eric hasn't posted since July. His own stupid sons have forsaken him!”
“But people are still showing up by the dozens to see him in person,” the host continued. “Trump has been touring and boring the country all this month, to remind voters what an amazing job he thinks he's doing, and to castigate the fake news for not turning the cameras around to show the size of his crowds.”
At one rally on Thursday, Trump wondered: “Is the camera like, statutory? Is it like a statue, you cannot move it?”
“Statutory – it's a word he learned from his best friend Jeffrey Epstein,” Kimmel joked.
Execution plans and press secretary scrutiny
In other news, Trump announced he would cancel Pete Hegseth's plans to livestream a military execution by firing squad, because there are “many very good and well-meaning people would rather not watch him die”. The execution of Nidal Hasan, who shot and killed 13 people and wounded 32 at Fort Hood in 2009, was set for 3 December.
Trump “had second thoughts after realizing that the man they would be executing is in a wheelchair”, Kimmel explained. “I guess he realized he'd have a hard time selling ads on a live stream of a paralyzed man being executed by firing squad, and what's the point if he can't make a little bit of money on it, right?”
“I wonder if he'll show the same kind of mercy to his new future former press secretary,” Kimmel quipped, referring to Zacharia, whose first week on the job was less than stellar. On Thursday, the former fringe network commentator tried to set the record straight on questions about her status as an attorney, and “it turns out that Katie Zacharia is an attorney in the same way George Santos was a volleyball champion,” Kimmel said. Zacharia has yet to confirm when or where she passed the bar exam; the Wall Street Journal reported that she failed the California bar exam after graduating from law school there in 2011.
“His press secretary is supposed to be answering questions about his lies, not hers!” Kimmel added. “But the truth is, he didn't hire her to be his lawyer. He didn't really hire her to be his press secretary. He hired her so he could squeeze into a helicopter with her and Natalie” – Harp, his fellow blond assistant – “and rub his cankles against a woman's legs without getting cursed out in Slovenian.”
