Strictly Come Dancing judge Anton Du Beke has spoken publicly about a childhood trauma that led to hospital treatment and permanently changed his relationship with his father. The 60-year-old dancer grew up in a council house in Sevenoaks, Kent, with his two younger siblings and parents Ascensión and Antal. His mother had fled Franco's Spain, while his Hungarian father had escaped after the 1956 revolution.
The Boxing Day attack
Antal struggled with alcoholism and subjected the family to years of violence. The situation reached a turning point on Boxing Day when Anton was in his mid-twenties. While on the phone to his dance teacher, his father stabbed him in the leg and stomach. He managed to get outside and flag down a passing police car before being taken to hospital, where he stayed for four days.
Recalling the aftermath to The Times, Anton said: “The police carted him off, [but] after [the stabbing] I never laid eyes on him again.” He admitted he did not know whether his father had been charged over the attack, explaining that he felt embarrassed and initially concealed the truth, telling others he had torn a hamstring.
Why he stayed silent
Asked why he had not spoken more openly about his father, Anton said: “To what end would I have talked [about my dad]? It would have made no difference at all.” He also explained why he had never felt the need to seek therapy, adding: “I don't know why! I'm sure it helps some people. It wasn't for me. You crack on. I knew what I wanted to do and I went on to do it.”
Anton, who lives in Buckinghamshire with his wife and their nine-year-old twins, was keen to make clear that his father's behaviour had not defined his own life, particularly regarding alcohol. “I don't want people to think it defines me, but everybody's an armchair psychologist. They go, ‘Oh, I see!’ No, I promise you don't see,” he said.
Looking forward, not back
The Strictly judge, who has worked on the BBC programme since its launch in 2004, also discussed how he and fellow judge Craig Revel Horwood, who has previously spoken about his own abusive alcoholic father, prefer to look back on their experiences. “Well, it's funny, isn't it? Like all these things, any good story turns into a lovely anecdote with time,” Anton said.
He added: “I don't want to be 85 looking back going, ‘Oh, I wasted a lot of time worrying about that.’ It was then, not now. I'm a 60-year-old man with two children. Why am I bothered about all of that? I can't be. I have to move on.”
Anton's father died in 2001, with the dancer recalling the unexpected phone call informing him of the news. When asked whether he wanted further information, Anton's response was blunt: “Oh, excellent. OK. Thank you.” He explained that the caller was surprised by his reaction, but the news had not particularly affected him.
Meanwhile, Anton's mother Ascensión is now living in a nursing home after developing dementia, something he described as particularly difficult given the woman she had been. “She was an extraordinary woman, so to see her diminished in this way is tragic,” he said. Steps in Time: The Moments that Made Me by Anton Du Beke is out on Nov 5.
