Amanda Holden has paid a tearjerking tribute to her beloved son, Theo, 15 years after he was "born sleeping". The star's only son was stillborn at 28 weeks in February 2011, a tragedy which happened just a year after Amanda miscarried another baby.
The Britain's Got Talent judge, 54, who has two daughters, Lexi, 19, and Hollie, 14, looked back on the moment she was told that the baby had no heartbeat in BBC's Dear NHS Superstars special. "Luckily for us, an obstetrician was coming past and [the midwife] Jackie said to the obstetrician, 'Please can you go in, I can't hear the patient's baby's heartbeat', and then I heard this guttural screaming," she recalled.
Social media tribute for Baby Loss Awareness Week
Amanda did not reveal the tragedy until some months afterwards however she now speaks stoically about her loss while raising awareness and money for charities helping families with their grief. Taking to social media today for Baby Loss Awareness week, the star shared a picture of a candle with the caption: "Thinking of our beautiful son Theo and sending love to you all." The Capital FM host tagged the baby loss charity Tommy's in the post along with #babyawarnessweek.
Opening up about her loss
Earlier this year, Amanda opened up about her loss talking to close friend, Alan Carr. Revealing that she still calls herself a mum of three, she shared: "I always say I am a mother of three. Because I am. When we lost Theo, there wasn't one moment where I thought 'why has this happened to me?' But there also wasn't a moment where I blamed God or anything."
She continued: "And the way I accepted it was to think that he chose me, just for those few months, to see what it was like to live, and develop, and be in the universe. Then the universe took him back. Now I don't think that's religious, but I let him go back. And that was my belief, rather than he went back to Heaven as such...I felt like he went back into the universe and he is still out there and is part of our family."
Support from Alan Carr and fans
Comforting his friend, who he presents Amanda and Alan's Greek Job with, Alan said: "Yeah, you've got to process it in some way. You've got to make some kind of sense of it haven't you." Wiping tears from her eyes, Amanda replied: "It was the only way I could make sense of it. I was like gosh I was so lucky to have him for all that time. And even though he was born sleeping he was perfect."
Amanda's wise words were praised on social media, with one of her followers replying: "As a midwife I just want to say that's such a beautiful way to hold such precious memories and feelings towards your baby born sleeping x x." Meanwhile, another fan replied: "Such a poignant moment, look how Alan listens so carefully and accepts you and lets you tell your story your own way without interrupting or adding anything, what a beautiful friendship. I'm sure you will have helped others Amanda is very brave to share this. What a beautiful way to think of your precious little boy."
* If you have been affected by this story, advice and support can be found at Sands (stillbirth and neonatal death charity). You can call them on 0808 164 3332 or email helpline@sands.org.uk
