Paul Drayton, the ex-husband of comedian Alan Carr, has spoken out about being treated like a "nobody" during their marriage in his new memoir, Ride - Or Die Trying. The 54-year-old said he "opened [himself] bare" in the book, detailing his struggles with alcoholism and navigating a public relationship.
Feeling Overlooked and Dismissed
Drayton told the PA news agency: "In the past, I think I have been overlooked and dismissed because I’m a ‘nobody’, basically, everyone just knows who I was married to." He added that writing the book was partly to establish his own identity: "I’m not just their ex-husband, I’m my own independent person." Drayton emphasized that he wants people to see the "true" him, not just "the alcoholic."
Marriage to Alan Carr
Drayton and Carr were married in 2018 after a decade together, with Adele officiating the wedding in Los Angeles. However, in 2022, they announced their separation following Drayton's conviction for drunk driving. Drayton's memoir includes a discussion about how others treated him during the marriage, which he felt diminished his own worth.
Childhood and Sexuality
Drayton also opened up about his childhood in 1970s Sunderland and his struggles with his sexuality. He recalled rushing to the dress-up box at school and trying his mother's makeup, but feeling that being gay was "wrong" at the time. He said he felt the need to "suppress" his sexuality and told himself he would "get a wife" to "be normal." He described having girlfriends in his teenage years but knowing they weren't right for him.
Alcoholism and ADHD
At age 17, Drayton came out as gay at his brother's stag do after having a few drinks. He realized that alcohol gave him the "courage" to "talk about things more openly and freely." This marked the beginning of his use of alcohol as a coping mechanism for anxiety. He later used it to self-medicate his then-undiagnosed ADHD, describing his brain as a "washing machine" that wouldn't stop whirring at night. He would have a hot whiskey and milk to calm down. Drayton said he had probably been a functioning alcoholic for 20 years, which eventually turned into alcohol dependence.
Rock Bottom and Recovery
By 2022, Drayton had hit "rock bottom" and was a "broken man" after a brief jail stint for drink driving. He has since been sober, calling sobriety "daily work" and expressing pride in maintaining it. His memoir aims to share his "true" story beyond the public perception.
