Dave Schilling loathes going to the doctor. He argues that the collective fascination with testosterone levels is just another instance of him being shamed into more medical tests.
Testosterone in the Trump administration
Defense secretary Pete Hegseth and others in the Trump administration have been talking about testosterone for years, claiming it’s the key to maintaining what’s left of civilization. Hegseth wants to test soldiers for T levels and offer testosterone replacement therapy (TRT) to those who don’t have sufficient medically verifiable machismo. He sees this as “restoring and optimizing your natural capabilities, protecting your longevity, and ensuring you have the biological foundation required to sustain the fight”.
Health secretary Robert F Kennedy Jr removed limits on TRT in June of this year, so that more men could be legally prescribed testosterone rather than buying it at a gas station or from the back of a 2007 Dodge Caravan in the parking lot of an Arby’s.
The debate over benefits
The science behind the perceived benefits of testosterone replacement therapy for cisgender men is hotly debated – a debate Schilling says he’s too stupid to wade into. He has a hard time doing long division. He wonders if testosterone will make him smarter, but thinks that’s probably the one thing we can agree it doesn’t do.
Testosterone allegedly makes you more athletic, more virile, and more sexually active. Schilling points out he’s not a professional athlete and doesn’t need to dunk a basketball or dominate his gym’s racquetball league. He’s a writer and his fingers work just fine.
Questioning the need
Schilling asks if he needs to function better sexually, noting he wouldn’t mind his libido toning down a bit. He wonders if testosterone will regrow his hair, but apparently it makes hair loss worse. He says he’d at least consider it if it did, but asks what good a bit more muscle mass will be if he ends up looking like Steve Harvey without the millions of dollars that make Steve Harvey attractive.
While fighting hormone therapy for trans troops, the Trump administration is simultaneously suggesting to cis men like him that they should be taking it instead, even if they don’t actually want it or need it. Considering his high interest in sex, perfectly acceptable athletic ability, and generally sedentary lifestyle, Schilling says maybe he has too much testosterone.
Aggression and aging
Schilling is perpetually angry – about someone cutting him off in traffic, the escalator at the AMC Burbank 16 that never works, and the Lakers’ starting lineup. He takes his aggression out in video games, like RoboCop: Rogue City, where he plays as the titular cybernetic lawman blasting criminals with a high-powered, rapid-fire pistol. He says he doesn’t need more testosterone for that.
Underneath much of this tedious discourse and his own dread of seeing a doctor is the fundamental premise that there’s something wrong with the natural progression of the human body. Schilling says we are destined to age, to be rendered irrelevant, and to die, no matter what you inject or swallow from the pharmacist. That’s as normal as a stiff breeze, and there’s no conquering reality.
