Paul Mosley, a former Daily Star headline writer, has drawn on his time with Dorking RFC's veterans' side to write a collection of short stories titled The Derelicts – The Heart and Art of Veterans' Rugby. The book, published by Troubador, is available online in paperback for £10.99 from Waterstones and Amazon, with a Kindle edition at £4.99.
From Cayenne Pepper to Venice
One tale recounts a boozy end-of-season tour to Venice, when the team stayed on the virtually deserted Lido di Jesolo. They overran a sleepy trattoria, and the manager struggled with orders for pizza and beer. A player nicknamed Gerbil, after complaining the local wine was too weak, fixated on a cayenne pepper pot. He dabbed his finger in it, declared it had little kick, then unscrewed the top and swallowed the thick end of the jar. Minutes later, alarm registered in his red-rimmed eyes. The Italian waiter shook his head, laughing, saying "Molto caldo, malto caldo" – meaning 'very hot' – when he actually meant 'e troppo caldo', meaning 'too hot'. Gerbil realized his fate was sealed: he would be cooked from within, from his oesophagus to his quivering anus, for several days.
Mosley said he realized writing match reports was less entertaining than the players' antics. The inspiration came from that Venice trip, and the story is one of many in the collection.
Fictional Tales of Social Rugby
Mosley, a retired prop forward, noted that fictional tales about rugby, let alone social rugby, are rare. "But the feedback from players young and old – and in fact further afield – has been heartening," he said. "I think a lot of people are more than ready for a few laughs. Rugby, certainly social rugby, lends itself to humour."
The collection is loosely built around the Dorking RFC veterans' side he once played for in Surrey, during several seasons of "sweaty and deluded endeavour." Players are typically over 35, but many carry on into their forties, fifties, and even sixties. The book includes relatable descriptions of teammates, like "half man half Guinness" and "a medical curiosity."
Love Letter to the Social Side
Mosley spent 35 years working behind the scenes at the Daily Star before retiring in early 2024. "The best fun I had was when I was long past my best, as a player turning out for the vets, so The Derelicts is my love letter to the social side of the game," he said. "Hopefully it is a small insight into that enjoyment of a wonderful sport."
Asked if the stories are true, including the cayenne pepper incident, Mosley replied: "They are all based on what the team got up to, but I admit that one offers a particular, er, piquancy, does it not? And, yes, it is true."
