Sir Ian McKellen broke down in tears after reading a heartbreaking passage while reflecting on his coming out journey. During a new episode of Sky's Tea with Judi Dench, Dame Judi was joined by her great friend for an open conversation about their extraordinary lives both on stage and off.
From stage fright and the insecurities of acting to worldwide fame, they reflected on the trials and tribulations they have both faced. Sir Ian spoke movingly about coming out as gay, which he has done on numerous occasions, and his defining role in the fight against Section 28, as well as one of his greatest regrets: never sharing the truth about himself with his parents.
An emotional reading in the garden
Towards the end of the episode, the pair were sitting in Dame Judi's garden when Sir Ian read an emotional extract from one of his favourite books, Tales of the City. The author, Armistead Maupin, wrote numerous books about life in San Francisco, and one of his main characters was gay.
Sir Ian read aloud a touching letter the character had written to his mother: "I'm sorry it's taken me so long to write, mama. Every time I try to write to you and papa, I realise I am not saying the things that are in my heart..." The letter went on: "I have friends who think I am foolish to write this letter, and I hope they are wrong. I want to tell you the truth that your own child is homosexual. I'm sorry, Mama, not for what I am, but for how you must feel at the moment. I know what that feeling is, for I felt it for most of my life - revulsion, shame, disbelief."
The character concluded: "I know what you are thinking now, you are asking yourself, 'What did we do wrong?' 'How did we let this happen?' 'Which one of us made him that way?' I can't answer that, Mama, and in the long run I guess I really don't care, and all I know is this - if you and Papa are responsible for the way I am, then I thank you."
A shared moment of emotion
With that, Sir Ian sighed and said: "Judi, whenever a gay man reads this, it gets them," he sniffed as he became emotional. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" he said before apologising for crying. "Don't be sorry, don't ever be sorry," Judi said, taking her friend's hand as she started to feel emotional herself.
Sir Ian publicly came out as gay in January 1988, when he was 48 years old. He made the announcement during a live radio debate discussing Section 28, a controversial piece of legislation proposed by Margaret Thatcher's government that sought to ban local authorities "intentionally promoting homosexuality or publishing material with the intention of promoting homosexuality". Asked whether he would like to see Section 28 abolished, he replied: "I certainly would. It's offensive to anyone who is - like myself - homosexual, apart from the whole business of what can and cannot be taught to children."
Regrets and legacy
That April, he helped launch the LGBT rights charity Stonewall, named after the riots in New York City's Greenwich Village. Section 28 was eventually fully repealed in 2003.
Earlier in the episode, the star said his "one regret" in life was not coming out to his mother and father earlier. "I have few regrets in my life, but that's one of them, that I didn't talk," he admitted.
Tea with Judi Dench is streaming on Sky Arts, Freeview, and streaming service NOW.
