A 19-year-old woman is considering marriage to her 28-year-old boyfriend of two years, despite concerns about her age and her aunt's potential disapproval. In a letter to Coleen Nolan's advice column, the reader explains that her boyfriend is the best thing to happen to her after a difficult childhood marked by her parents' alcoholism and her father's death.
Reader's Background and Relationship
The reader describes herself as an only child whose parents were both alcoholics. Her father died when she was 10, and her mother's situation worsened, leading the reader to live with her aunt, whom she considers more of a mother figure. She is no longer in contact with her biological mother. Her boyfriend, nine years her senior, is described as stable, sensible, and employed, making her feel safe and happy. Despite the age difference, she says neither of them notices it.
The couple has discussed marriage, and the reader is considering it, though she plans to finish university and start her career regardless. She worries that her aunt, who has done so much for her, might be disappointed by her young age and the decision to marry.
Coleen Nolan's Advice
Coleen Nolan advises the reader to pause and reflect on whether she is rushing into marriage for security after her traumatic past. Nolan, who married her first husband at 21, acknowledges the desire for stability but emphasizes that if the boyfriend is the right person, he will love and support her regardless of marital status.
Nolan shares a personal anecdote: her daughter met her fiancé as a teenager but waited until age 26 to marry, having traveled the world and had a baby first. She suggests the reader expect questions from her aunt and friends about the rush and to ask herself the same question honestly.
Practical Steps
Nolan recommends talking to the aunt and seeking her advice, even if her opinion differs. She advises that if the relationship is genuine, waiting a couple of years will not change anything. The reader is also encouraged to recognize the security she already has from her aunt, friends, and boyfriend, and to take pride in how far she has come.
