An 11-year-old girl is in a friendship with a classmate that her parents describe as unhealthy and controlling. The friend dictates when and where they meet, what the girl can wear, and prevents her from interacting with others. If the girl disobeys, she faces shunning, aggression, or a barrage of demanding messages and calls.
UKCP-registered child and adolescent psychotherapist Ross Cormack says the parents' feelings of powerlessness have been replicated in their daughter. He advises setting clear boundaries rather than expecting the child to be assertive alone. For example, parents should define acceptable phone and text behaviour.
Recommendations include informing the new secondary school teacher, building the child's self-esteem, and encouraging her to invite other friends over or join clubs without the controlling friend. Letting her know she can always talk to her parents, and putting her mobile away at home to detach from school, are also suggested.
Speaking to the other girl's parents is not advised, as they may not see fault in their child. The key lesson is that controlling behaviour is about power, not friendship, and that the controlling child is displaying weakness.
